Free Sometimes Never, Sometimes Always by Elissa Janine Hoole Page B

and marry a woman and have two kids and this thing that looks like a perfect life? What if it is a perfect life? And yet, what if it’s not, and in this future my brother is living a lie, not truly himself?
    My stomach twists. There’s no way for me to know what these cards mean, which interpretation is truth. There has to be truth here, somewhere, or at least some kind of guidance, some kind of insight.
    I love my brother for who he is. I see how happy he is with Gavin. Heartache sweet. Still, I can’t help but want life to be easier for my brother. I can’t bear the thought of him being a target for every small-minded person on earth. And then there’s the way his faith tears him apart, the way he wrestles daily with his belief and his identity. My stomach sinks. What if this card means that Eric changes for the church?
    I flip the next few cards quickly. King of Cups, Two of Wands, and in the “future influence” spot a really interesting-looking card called Temperance. An angelic, robed figure pours water between two cups. There’s this enormous set of blood-red wings and a large triangle on the figure’s chest and a glowing circle in the center of its forehead. There’s something paradoxical about the card, something about the way the water seems to float between the cups, the angelic halo of white around its head contrasting with the dark red of the wings. Creepy but also sort of reassuring, like.
    The next four cards are supposed to stay face down until I finish reading the first six, so I slap them down on the carpet and look up the meanings of the first six cards in my little book, but it’s frustrating. These lists of words could mean everything. It’s like I’m missing a key to understanding, some code-breaker that will make the whole alphabet shift over and match up just right. Victory. Conquest. Hopes Accomplished.
    Hopeful words. But hopeful for what?
    I pick up the Queen of Wands, Eric’s present position. The black cat is so dark in the otherwise yellow-dominated artwork, an inky familiar to this powerful woman. Sunflowers grow all around, even on the queen’s crown. Who is she, and what part does she play in my brother’s life? A loving companion. Pure . I study her face—it’s powerful and chiseled, a face of strength. When I hold my hand over the bottom half, over the word “queen,” the face is genderless. A kind and caring friend .
    Oh. This card is Eric, and the boy with the wands on the horse who is crossing him has got to be Gavin. Victory.
    I listen carefully before going back to my guidebook, but the hall behind the door is quiet. In the corner, Nutmeg and Pumpkin peep softly. I want to figure out this reading before Eric gets home tonight. I look up the meaning of the Ten of Cups—the happy perfect family under a rainbow of golden goblets. There’s so much peace and love in the meanings, the card may as well be wearing tie-dye. So who is that happy family of Eric’s destiny?
    Family is difficult. I don’t mean, like, the kind of difficulty you struggle through and then feel a sense of achievement when you surmount it. I mean the kind of difficult that goes on and on. But that feeling, like you’re all working hard together to make everything work, it’s sort of like happiness. Right? And love. And home.
    Next comes the King of Cups—the book says the card represents a person in Eric’s life who is educated, religious, and wise. The king in the picture has a kind of stern look, or maybe he’s just world-weary. His hair is cut close to his head, and gray. His throne seems to be on a small stone square in the middle of a sea, and he has a heavy gold fish necklace. Could it be Pastor Fordham? Eric isn’t all that close to him—not like he was with Pastor Jake Marshall, who was sort of a role model for him. And since the card is in the distant past position in the spread, I wonder if it could possibly have something to do with Pastor Jake.
    A few years back, Eric went