Free Missing Your Smile by Jerry S. Eicher

money in the bank, but working inside was nothing compared to the feeling of working his own land—land like so many others in the community had. Thomas surveyed the open fields, allowing the fantasy of his own farm to flow through his mind.
    With a farm there would be fields of corn in the summer. Corn which gave enough to fill a towering silo. There would be waves of golden wheat in the fall growing next to green pasture grass. There would be cows—a herd of twenty or so, hanging around the barn, their udders sagging with milk. There would be a hay wagon to drive down the dirt roads. And all the while, the glorious feeling of being closer to the earth, to
Da Hah
, to life itself.
    In his fantasy, Thomas could see himself able to afford a
gut
horse at the sale barn. A driving horse who could pass buggies coming home on Sunday nights from the hymn singing. Instead he had to drive Freddy, his slow gelding around and watch as other buggies passed him, pulled by fast horses purchased with farm money.
    Sure, Freddy was okay, and he shouldn’t be complaining.
Daett
would be horrified at his unthankfulness.
Daett
always said
Da Hah
gave and
Da Hah
took, and one did not ask questions
. Freddy was a decent horse and not that old. He never shied on the road or jumped fences in the barnyard, but a good trot was the limit of his preferable speed.
    Thomas’s thoughts turned to Susan. He remembered how she had never complained about Freddy’s slowness the many times he’d taken her home on Sunday nights. Thomas sighed as he ran sandpaper over the grainy walnut wood. He was twenty-one now and on his own. He was old enough to buy what he wanted, but a fast horse wouldn’t be a wise investment on the limited income from the cabinet shop. Especially if he hoped to marry soon. Sure, he could put his money into the purchase of a farm, but farming was difficult work to learn if a person hadn’t been raised on one. He needed someone to teach him.
    Was that why he was drawn to Susan? The thought turned inside him, but he pushed it away. It was not a fair question. Since grade school he had loved Susan, and there had been no thought of a farm back then. Only lately had it dawned on him what would happen after their marriage. He would be moving onto her family farm. If there had been any doubt about the matter, Susan’s father, Menno, had alluded to the fact last Thanksgiving over the noon meal.
    â€œWe are hoping you’ll be up to taking the farm over soon. After the wedding of course,” Menno had said. They had all laughed at the hurried reference to the wedding.
    Susan had looked at him, happiness written on her face.
    â€œIt’s a nice farm,” Susan whispered in his ear later. They had held hands that night on the couch and talked far into the night after the others were in bed.
    â€œI don’t know anything about farming. I’m a cabinetmaker,” he said.
    â€œYou can learn. Don’t you want to be a farmer, Thomas?”
    â€œOf course I do. I’ve just never had the chance.”
    â€œThen the chance will be coming your way soon,” she said, her fingers tracing his face. “I know you’ll make a
gut
farmer. As good as what
Daett
is himself.”
    But that was then. Where is Susan now? Living somewhere in New Jersey
. That was the word passed around in the community. He didn’t dare ask Menno or Anna. They might be on Susan’s side after his foolish actions. The thing with Susan had gone badly enough, and he wouldn’t risk more by seeming to use them to pressure their daughter.
    What in the world had come over him anyway? A few minutes of talking outside in the shadows of Emery Yoder’s house, and he had given in to the sudden urge to kiss Eunice. And Susan had caught him in the act! Their future life together was over. He sighed again.
    Yah
, what Susan blamed him for had happened, but it wasn’t as bad as Susan claimed.
Yah
,