Free Bound For You: Men in Blue, Book 6 by Jayne Rylon Page B

much as I want… wanted him.” Ryan paused, sitting beside her, though never halting his caresses along her collarbone, then down her arms. Eventually, he held her hands.
    “That’s great.” She gulped, hating how lame she sounded. Still, it was a relief. “It’s not that, though. I’m more afraid that we’ll do this and I’ll feel things for you that aren’t smart, knowing that you’re going to want to be with other people. Besides me. When I’m not around. Yeah, I don’t think I can do that.”
    Shari reached for her discarded shirt.
    “No, wait.” Rather than use force, Ryan distracted her by peeling his T-shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor, baring himself equally. It may have been a tactical maneuver, but it worked.
    Suddenly she felt less vulnerable.
    “Why?” What was the point of getting in deeper with him when she knew herself? She couldn’t be his sidepiece, or even his mainpiece, if he had other pieces scattered about like a sexy god in some kind of fancy board game. Jealous, she’d never be able to stay sane wondering where he was and who he was doing, without her.
    “I think I didn’t explain right.” He scrunched his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment before returning his focus to her. “I want to be in a committed relationship. If that’s you and me, I’ll be so damn happy. I care for you, Shari. This isn’t only about fucking to me.”
    “Me either,” she promised.
    “But I love Ben.” He said it with a quiet steel that impressed her. “No matter what he feels, or doesn’t for me. Our time in the dungeons…”
    “It’s never going to go away. And I’m never going to replace him or the things you overcame with each other. I understand that. Truly.” Somehow the knowledge didn’t hurt either. How could it when she’d seen how they were together? Though she only had a vague idea of the awful stuff that had bonded them, as close as brothers-in-arms.
    “If I could have figured out a way to have you both, that would have been my dream. I’m just saying that there was room in my heart for two very specific people.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
    She turned her head and kissed his hand.
    He might not have declared his feelings outright—they didn’t know each other well enough for that yet—but he’d eased one of her worst fears. Stinging eyes made her blink rapidly.
    “What did I say? I thought I did a decent job there.”
    When she snorted a laugh, he leaned in and surprised her by gathering her to his chest as he reclined on the quilt she’d sewn last winter. It had been a never-ending season, giving her plenty of time to hone her craft. The intricate design she’d come up with made her proud looking at the finished product.
    Shari pushed up a bit, her palms on his solid chest, until she could kiss him softly, gently, returning the gift he might not even realize he’d given her.
    “Seriously, you okay now?” he asked between kisses.
    “Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “My worst fear…since my brother died, you know?”
    “What is it? You can tell me.” He cupped her face in his strong hands, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs.
    “Is dying alone. Unloved. Or maybe in love, but unable to act on it. Like John. Or my mom and dad. He was in the military. Killed in action overseas. She died of cancer while he was away. The three of them were so… alone .” She couldn’t help it. Her voice increased in pitch as she trailed off. Her secret hovered there, in the room with them, and she’d never been more ashamed or afraid.
    “First, that’s not going to happen.” He sipped the tear she hadn’t realized she’d shed from the corner of her eye. “I’m here. Unless you kick my ass out, I’m not planning to leave you by yourself for very long.”
    The future couldn’t be certain, but she figured that was as good a reassurance as she would get. A tentative smile drove away her sadness.
    “And second, your brother was