Free Missing Child by Patricia MacDonald Page B

felt suddenly, unaccountably abandoned. She and Noah had not been apart since the moment at Geordie’s school when they learned that he was missing. They buoyed one another up through the day, each one offering hope when the other was low. Suddenly, without him, Caitlin felt the full weight of her loss.
    It wasn’t, she thought, as if she were actually alone. There were two officers arriving in the driveway, even as she looked out on the dreary, interminable morning. They greeted her as they came up the walk and entered the house. ‘There’s coffee inside,’ she said.
    ‘Any more of those cinnamon rolls?’ asked the younger officer, named Jack.
    Caitlin nodded. ‘They arrived this morning. Help yourself.’ Haley had left another sack of rolls on the front porch before they had even awakened. Caitlin felt overwhelmed by the kindness of people. Her kitchen counters were covered in plates of food but there was nothing which tempted her in the least. The desire to eat had left her, as had the ability to sleep. She could sleep for what seemed like minutes at a time, and then she would wake up, stricken, remembering. This morning, after Noah left, she had thought about taking a shower, but realized that she was too afraid. What if the phone rang while she was in the shower? She knew that her fear made no sense. She could always check to see if she had missed a call. But, still, she did not shower. She felt filthy and exhausted. Any task which flitted into her consciousness was immediately dismissed as impossible to even begin. She was paralyzed, and could not do the slightest thing.
    Suddenly, as she stared out at the gray day, Caitlin saw Sam Mathis’s car pull into the driveway. Her heart leapt up. She ran out to meet him in the drizzle. Sam rolled down the window.
    ‘What happened?’ she cried. ‘The teacher’s aide. Was she hypnotized?’
    ‘Last night.’
    ‘And?’
    Sam shook his head. ‘Nothing useful.’
    ‘Nothing?’ she asked. She could feel the frustration rising in her throat, choking off her breath as if she had eaten something she was allergic to. ‘How about the guy from the cable company?’
    ‘He wants to help,’ said Sam. ‘He really does, but the guy has no kids. I have found, over the years, that men with no kids barely even notice children, much less what they look like. I’m on my way to the school to get an array of photos of the kids in Geordie’s grade to try to jog his memory. I just stopped to give you a progress report. I’m afraid I can’t stay.’
    ‘No, wait,’ Caitlin said. She wanted to grab the sleeve of his jacket and cling onto it, to prevent him from leaving her there alone with her obsessive fears.
    Sam looked at Caitlin. ‘What?’ he asked.
    ‘I can’t bear this,’ she said.
    ‘I know,’ said Sam. ‘We’re doing everything we can . . .’
    ‘I know. I know that,’ said Caitlin. ‘I just feel so useless.’
    ‘It’s a terrible situation,’ he said.
    ‘Let me come with you,’ Caitlin blurted out. ‘I can do something. I can join the search.’
    Sam frowned at her. ‘I’m sorry. I know you’re frustrated,’ he said. ‘But it’s better if you just stay here at home.’
    Caitlin shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. I can’t,’ she said. ‘I just can’t. I’ve done everything exactly as you’ve asked. But I can’t spend the day just waiting around here. I want to go and look for Geordie with the other searchers. Let me do that at least. What harm would there be in that?’
    Yesterday, after their televised plea, she and Noah had been allowed to visit the church which served as the command center from which the teams of searchers started out or returned for a break. Sam had ordered one of the younger officers to bring along the blown-up display photo of Geordie to the church with them, probably to inspire the volunteers there. Concerned parents and senior citizens who had gathered there produced flyers and plates of cookies and urns