Free Cut by Kathleen Mareé

did he even get my number?" I shake my head sceptically and I immediately notice Rosie skulk her head towards the floor, as she creeps away from me towards the bench. I’m instantly suspicious.
    "Rosieeeeeee..." I complain.
    She spins around to look at me throwing her hands frustratingly in the air.
    "Oh what Penelope!? Some celebrity, fucking gorgeous guy wants to hang out with you, of course I gave him your fucking number!" she snaps.
    Fucking?
    Rosie does not ever use that word, but before I know it, the routine rebuttal begins flourishing comfortably. "What’s wrong with you? It’s not you that has to spend the day with him!" I snort irrationally.
    She takes a swig of her opened can from off the bench. "Oh whatever Penny. Are you evening listening to yourself? This gorgeous guy wants to see you. Not me. You. Get over your self-pity for fucks sake, enough’s, enough. We all need to move on you know." She slams down her drink and heads out of the kitchen towards the main lobby. I follow, but a slight inappropriate giggle comes over me as the word ‘fuck’ sounds so ridiculous coming out her usually articulate mouth.
    "Rosie!" I call after her. "Wait a second," I plead.
    She stops in front of the timber staircase and turns to look at me. Her fly like eyes protruding, pulsating at me, and her arms gravely folded across her body. She looks angry. I halt just in front of her but before I can say anything, she sighs heavily.
    "Pen, I know you have had a hard time. But it’s been three months. It’s time to start enjoying your life. It’s time to start living again," she reasons firmly. The former anger settling with each word. "I’m not trying to push you into anything, but it’s sight-seeing, in Sydney, with a hot guy that is never going to happen ever again. You would be crazy, no stupid not to go." She raises her hands in the air to emphasise her words as I allow their logic to sink in; struggling to find an actual real excuse.
    "I know," I shrug.
    But...?
    "What happens if he wants to, you know?" I ask like an inexperienced teenager.
    She laughs. "Well you have done it before so I’m sure you know what to do."
    I roll my eyes. "I’m serious Rose. You know what he was like last night. He’s… intense. I'm not like that. I’m not ready to be that girl yet. I probably won’t ever want to be that girl again," I plead, hoping she understands my fear.
    Fear...?
    Yes fear.
    That’s why I’m hesitant to go out with him. Even if it is just a day trip with this guy, I can’t bear to put myself in that vulnerable position again. A position where I will feel and maybe enjoy myself, before having it all come crashing down around me. I’m so fragile mentally, that I feel even a minor incident could tip me over the edge. Besides, I remember how his voice made me feel. It aroused such an intensity in me. Such a strong emotional feeling that will be hard to handle for an entire day. And those eyes. I get chills just thinking about them.
    Can I really do this?
    Should I?
    "It’s just one day Penny. One day," she reasons, as she places both of her hands on my shoulders gently squeezing them beneath her strong hold.
    "You will go out, see some of Sydney, eat lunch, then come home and tell me all about it. It will be a story you will look back on one day and won’t believe you actually hung out with a guy like that."
    I guess there is no harm in a day out…
    "You're right," I mumble. "It’s just one day."
    I nod my head trying to ascertain my words but the knots start to build inside my stomach resiliently. I take an anxious breath.
    It’s just one day.
     

Chapter Six
    I wait on the porch for the taxi to arrive, alone. It’s been almost thirty five minutes and instantly I’m thinking, 'He’s late!'
    Not the best start.
    But I try to push the negative thoughts away and really take in Rosie’s words. It’s an adventure, I am getting myself out of the house which is a huge step forward, it’s something I could