Free Desire in Any Language by Anastasia Vitsky Page A

adoption.  Not in class.”
    I can’t remember the polite way to ask, but I am fairly sure there is none.
    “The lesson is not just for you, Mira-ssi.”
    I look up, not sure what he means.
    “It is for the other students, too.  The greater the silence, the greater the shame.”
    I have nothing to say.
    “I will not require you to comment on the content if you are not comfortable.  But I expect you to return to class and participate.” 
    The clicking of his shoes as he goes back to the classroom leaves me stunned.  I repeat his words in my head again.  Not require me to comment?  So I can just listen to what others have to say?  I think about it.  He expects me to participate?  How?  By not leaving?  Is that all I have to do?
    What will Ah-ee say? I wonder.  Or the others?  What do they think?  No one has said one word on the subject since I left class weeks ago.  Will they even care?  Or will Ah-ee be more concerned whether I’ll finally agree to go to the club with her tonight? 
    I take a deep breath and follow Lee Sonsengnim back to class.

Desire Encountered
     
    It’s the day after the dreaded midterm exams, and Ah-ee has forbidden me from going home early to take a nap.  She plies me with one caffeinated drink after another, and she chatters about the party her friend is throwing tonight.  I feel more like throwing up than throwing a party, but I nod. 
    “First we need to get you a party dress,” she insists.  Even without the scholarship, staying in the library all day every day has meant nearly zero expenses.  I don’t have enough money for a fancy dress, but I have money for a dress.
    “Okay,” I answer.  Then I panic.  We usually use the same changing room if the store is big enough to have one.  “Wait,” I say.  “I’ll be right back.”
    I sneak into the bathroom, sigh with relief when I find it empty, and lift the back of my denim skirt.  Eyeing the door nervously, I peel down my panties to check.  A few marks, but nothing noticeable.  I give an even bigger sigh of relief as I readjust my clothes just before Kumiko comes in.
    “Are you coming to the party?” she asks.  I nod and hurry back to Ah-ee. 
    “Let’s go!”  Ah-ee has already taken out my jacket and shoes.  I step out of the slippers we wear indoors and into my black flats.  They should go with whatever dress we find. 
    “If you’re choosing my dress, then I’m going to choose yours,” I insist.  Ah-ee laughs.
    “Deal!”
    I quickly regret my offer as Ah-ee puts me in a clinging black dress that shows far too much skin.  I don’t mind having fun, but it’s cold!
    “But your shoes are black.  So you need a black dress.  Anyway, you said I can choose.” 
    “Another black dress, then…”
    Ah-ee lifts the dress over my head and gives me back my blouse and skirt.  “No way.  I need you to look as sexy as possible tonight so the hot guys you reject will come after me.”
    “Ah-ee!”  I hurry to get dressed, but she has already taken cash from my purse and brought it to the sales counter.  She gives me the change and the bag. 
    “Okay, you better find me a good one…”
    After I pick out a raspberry swing dress with spaghetti straps for Ah-ee, she drags me to the accessory stores.  Row after row of shinies to wear, and such a small budget!  I pick out dangly silver earrings, and Ah-ee treats herself to a chunky brown bracelet. 
    “Ready for the party?” she asks. 
    After all the weeks buried in the library, I’m not sure I remember how to party.  I nod, though, and we giggle like children as we find a restroom and put on our new outfits.  Ah-ee takes out some lipstick that is far darker than I normally wear, and she insists on applying it to my mouth.  She sweeps my hair back with a silver twisty comb and dusts my face using a sheer powder with a hint of sparkles.  Then she pulls out another lipstick for herself and touches up her own makeup.  I braid her long hair