Free Desire in Any Language by Anastasia Vitsky

the midterm exams, and to help you prepare we are going to try some real-life listening and reading today.  This is a speech from our last president, a very famous one.  It will be too hard for most of you, so we will practice strategies for reading when it’s above your level.”
    Even though reading is my best subject, I perk up at this news.  I could use the help for history!  Sometimes I can’t even understand what the test questions are asking.  Silly country with 5,000 years of history.  I never appreciated US history’s brevity enough when I was home. 
    “I will give you twenty minutes to silently read this speech.  No dictionaries.  Work alone.  I’ll put up a question for you to answer in your notebook for today, and you can share your answers if you wish.  Then we will talk as a group about ways that you were able to answer the question.  Any questions?”
    Ah-ee, Kumiko, and Pedro all glance at each other and shake their heads.  Juan is half-asleep next to me, but at least this early in the morning he doesn’t yet reek of smoke.  The other students buzz confusedly at the change of plans.  I shrug my shoulders.  I’m mostly impressed with myself for understanding the instructions. 
    Lee Sonsengnim nods toward the classroom clock.  “All right, begin.  I’ll be coming around to check your work from time to time.”
    I reach for my pocket electronic dictionary, but Lee Sonsengnim shakes his head.  “No dictionaries, Mira-ssi.”
    Oh, no.  I’ve never read without a dictionary in hand before.  What am I going to do?  I scowl at the paper, willing the words to make sense in my brain.  Yangyook?  I don’t know what it means, and Lee Sonsengnim is walking around the room.  There are other words I can’t understand, but I wade through the passage looking for any friendly familiar word.  “Sorry”, I know that one.  And “family”.  Something about parents…the war…I only know that word from history class.  Jonjeng.  The harsh consonants even sound a bit like war, the grating clanging of conflict. 
    My index finger runs along the bottom of each line as my lips soundlessly mouth the words.  I can’t understand this sentence.  Or this one.  Or…
    I drop the sheet and fight to control the shaking in my chest.  I still don’t understand what the speech says in detail, but the word “ibyang” is unmistakable.  It was one of the first words that I learned.  It’s a more difficult word than most people at my level know.  “Ip” or “ib” means to enter, and “yang” means to raise.  For a sheep or animal…or a person.  “Ibyang” is to bring someone in for raising.
    Oni or not, Eunji Sonsengnim will do more than show me “love” if I leave class again, and I have to send her my report afterward.  My bottom throbs at the thought.  My brain whirls, then freezes, and then clicks into clarity.  I raise my head and look at Lee Sonsengnim who is now seated at his desk.  After I continue to look at him silently, wanting to ask but not knowing how, he gives a barely perceptible nod toward the door.  I take a deep breath and nod back in response.  He rises in one smooth motion, and I slide out of my desk to follow.
    “What’s happening?” Ah-ee asks.
    “Shh,” Pedro answers.  “Ten more minutes.”
    Lee Sonsengnim closes the door behind us.  The hallway is deserted, and despite his low tone his voice reverberates against the walls.
    “You have a question, Mira-ssi?”
    I do.  If I only knew what I wanted to ask.
    “I…”
    “Don’t worry if today’s lesson is difficult.  You’re not supposed to be able to understand everything.”
    “Lee Sonsengnim says that you were crying.”
    “He says to apologize to you.”
    “He thought you didn’t understand the question because the level three class is hard for you.  He didn’t realize it was an awkward question.”
     
    “Please,” I begin, and then I stop.  “I don’t want to talk about