Free Seed by Lisa Heathfield Page B

steps back to look at me. His eyes are like the brightest sky.
    Finally, he kisses his palm and rests it on my heart. Through my dress, through my skin, I can hear the shuddering as my heart replies.
    Papa S. kisses my forehead again, leads me to the door, and opens it for me. “You have been cleansed,” he says. And I feel such relief that I won’t have those feelings anymore. I shall look at Ellis as I do Jack. He is just a part of our family. One of us.
    “Thank you,” I reply, gazing at Papa S.
    And he is still smiling as he closes the door behind me.

CHAPTER TWELVE

    I know, as soon as I see Ellis at the bottom of the stairs, that it hasn’t worked. In fact, everything is worse. Before, I hadn’t known my thoughts about him. Yet now, I look at Ellis and my skin flushes warm.
    “I’m meeting the others at the lake,” Ellis says. “Want to come?” He’s looking at me strangely. I feel the walls stepping closer. I can hear her screaming. “Is everything OK, Pearl?”
    I nod.
    “You sure?”
    “I’m fine,” I answer. But I don’t think he believes me. Do I believe myself?
    “I can wait, if you want to grab a towel,” he says. His arms have become more tanned in the few weeks he’s been here. His hair is a bit longer.
    “OK,” I say, although I don’t mean to. I’d meant to say no and then I would have gone to my room quietly, on my own. But now I’m running up the stairs, two at a time, my bare feet slapping the wood. The echo of the screams are drifting away. I grab thefirst towel I see and run back and I’m standing next to Ellis again. I try not to sound breathless.
    He laughs at me. “There was no rush. I wasn’t going anywhere.”
    I laugh back and tuck my hair behind my ear. We start to walk, so close our arms keep brushing each other.
    “Shortcut?” he asks. I don’t need to reply. We head for the strawberry fields and begin to step carefully over the row of plants.
    “Don’t step on any leaves,” Ellis says. “Papa S. might just take us up to the rocks and sacrifice us to the sun.” He’s laughing, but he’s shot up that barrier between us again. I can’t look at him.
    “Just a joke, Pearl,” he says, stopping and touching my arm. I carry on walking, so he holds me stronger until I stop. “Hey. It was just a joke.”
    “It wasn’t funny,” I say, finally looking at him. “It’s important to us. He’s important to us.”
    “And you’re important to me,” he says quietly. His words rest on me and then I let them sink inside.
    Ellis bends down and I watch his fingers pick a ripe strawberry from its leaves. “Here,” he says. And he holds it up to me.
    I lean my head forward but he moves the strawberry away. I don’t want to, but I smile. He puts the fruit nearer, so I grab his wrist and hold it steady until the strawberry is in my mouth. I feelhis fingers on my lips and warmth shoots through me. The walls of the Forgiveness Room step closer, but I push them away. Ellis catches the juice with his thumb and as I eat, I watch him lick it off his skin.
    He has that look in his eyes. I turn away from him and begin to walk quickly, stepping over the plants, toward the lake.
    “You should try one,” I say over my shoulder, as though being here with him is the most normal thing in the world. “They’re delicious.”
    “I know they are,” he says. Then he’s at my side and we’re walking together again.
    I should say more. I should tell him that I think of him even when we’re not together. But I keep my words inside me and hope my breath will bring him my secrets.
    Kate and Jack are already in the lake. They’re at the deeper end, leaning back against the edge and lazily kicking their legs to keep their bodies afloat. The sun is striking through the trees and sits on Kate’s shoulders, yet it stops short of Jack. They’re talking together, but we can’t hear them from here. Ruby and Bobby sit by the bags and towels on the bank. Their little faces are a buzz of