Free Unbreakable: A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life by Thom Shea Page A

Diego, working as a SEAL instructor. I guess that is not something you see or read about every day, and it certainly doesn’t always lead to successful marriages, hence the 70 percent divorce rate in the SEAL community. Even Stacy’s development as a woman, a wife, and a future mom up to that point wouldn’t, to the outside observer, lead anyone to say, “That is why Thom and Stacy got it going on.” We were both recently divorced. You could even say neither of us looked like a good investment to anyone with regard to family and marriage.
    I was living in a two-bedroom condo, sharing time with my kids, while my ex lived six miles away. Stacy was living with her mother due to her mom fighting cancer, and they were helping each other recover.
    I was trying to fill the void my divorce created by racing professionally on the adventure racing circuit. Most of my time, when I wasn’t at work or with my kids, was spent in the back country … running, hiking, mountain biking, or paddling. Every month, I would pack my car and unite with my team to compete in forty-eight-hour non-stop multisport races, and sometimes, even ten-day races. I think I found intimacy and connection both with myself and others at the level that had been lost in the divorce. My own Internal Dialogue said I needed to race to be whole, and the team needed me. Most successful people find a way to be
needed
, yet never recognize the importance of the voice saying,
“need.”
    On the morning I met Stacy, nothing truly significant was going on with me, or her for that matter. She had flown to San Diego for a business conference and had stopped in at Starbucks. By chance, I was in line directly behind her.
    I only vaguely recall noticing her—just another smoking-hot chick dressed to the nines. What caught my attention was the drink she ordered… a black coffee with four shots of espresso. I chuckled and remarked out loud, “You are gonna get hair on your back if you drink that. You know that, right?”
    She turned and frowned at me, then said, “Does that line ever work for you?” I replied, “Not a line at all. Just a disgusting drink.” Stacy looked at me and said, “Sorry; it didn’t work,” then paid and moved away. I ordered the usual … a perfect seasonal café mocha with peppermint.
    As we wandered about waiting for our drinks, I introduced myself. After a bit of chit chat and, if I recall correctly, a little suggestive eye contact, we exchanged phone numbers.
    I am sure other men and women have better and even more erotic stories of first encounters than ours, but rarely do they lead to marriage, children, and any profound sense of connection. The unique factor separating us from the hoard of mundane was, and still is, the state of mind we both had regarding marriage and life.
    The one unique thing about us at that moment in time—and I say that moment in time because it was not always that way for either of us—was
who we were in relationships.
Maybe the old saying that a life of excesses and failures leads to wisdom may actually hold merit.
    For me, I wanted to date and marry God. I knew I needed a woman who needed me. I didn’t want something less. To that end, I was faced with a dilemma. My Internal Dialogue didn’t give me access to a great woman, and my lifestyle didn’t either. What woman—what God—would even date a Navy SEAL, divorced with two kids, who races in 700-mile multisport races? For that matter, what stripper would even date one with that track record? I am sharing this because, although I knew I needed a woman who needed me, my Internal Dialogue said women are evil and bring you down. I had enough evidence around me to validate that. You must first learn that Internal Dialogue can create, or it can go with the trend. Practice creating your own Internal Dialogue, designed by
you
, versus letting the world tell you who you are and then following the sheep off the cliff.
    The one thing we discovered after actually