Free The Heart by Kate Stewart

seriously depressed I can’t have him.”
    Jamie wasn’t far away from Jules in the looks department. She too was a dark haired beauty but with soft brown eyes and was much taller. She looked like a million bucks in her flowered swimsuit cover up, and I had to admit, as I noted her shiny, raven hair, and curvy figure, that it impressed me that other than friendly pleasantries, Jack hadn’t paid neither of my beautiful friends any attention. The pride within me swelled a little bigger as I became more excited about our ride later. I knew without a doubt that I wanted Jack to kiss me and let my thoughts wander for a brief moment as a smile crept across my face.
    “Good lord, he’s going to break the seal,” Jamie said, grinning at me after she read my thoughts.
    “Finally,” they both said in unison, chuckling at each other.
    “I don’t know. Maybe? I’m not in the business of denying the obvious. He is good looking,” I said, leading them back to the deck, fresh drinks in hand. “But I still don’t know if I’m ready to take that leap.”
    We lay side-by-side, sipping our drinks as the girls grilled me more on Jack.
    “I just met him. Seriously, I don’t know much.”
    “Well, I say give in to him, and I mean take it all out on him, girl. He’s hot, short-term, and seems nice enough. There’s never been a more perfect time for you,” Jamie said, giving me a wink.
    “She’s right,” Jules said, looking at me with concern. “You can keep waiting but for what?”
    I nodded, taking another small sip of my drink, not agreeing or disagreeing with either of them, but at the same time glad I’d invited them over because I knew I needed the confidence they were giving me. Whether I admitted it to myself or not, I was suddenly aware it was a big deal that I was considering being intimate with a man again. It was the last hurdle, so to speak, the biggest Band-Aid.
    The truth was, I had spent a fair amount of time thinking about Jack in a sexual sense. I hadn’t worried about the lasting effect it might have on me if we were intimate or if either of us wanted more. The girls seemed to assume he wouldn’t be anything other than a conquest for me, and for some reason, that bothered me. Maybe because he was a nice guy and objectifying him felt wrong or maybe because he was the first man I’d really been attracted to since Grant.
    “I’ve been doing some things on impulse lately,” I said, nodding over to my new car that was parked in the driveway. “I may need to reel it in a bit.”
    “Holy shit, I didn’t even notice it,” Jamie noted as she studied my car then turned to me. “You are in the mood for change. Don’t let if freak you out, Rose. Seriously, you need it.” She looked back at my car. “I’m officially jealous.”
    “Don’t be, you have no idea what I’m paying for it,” I said, wiping my hand down my face. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing right now.”
    “Rose, you can either live with it or you can’t. Whatever you choose, we’ve got your back,” Jules said before sliding her sunglasses back on and resuming her sunbathing.
    “Agreed,” Jamie said as she rubbed oil over her legs. “But if you pass on him—”
    “You’ll be the first to know,” I said with a chuckle.

    The girls packed up right after sunset and two hours of sobering up then made their way home. I sat on my deck in a comfortable lounger as I waited for Jack, staring at the initials carved in Grant’s tree. Tiny branches were making their way out of the etched writing, and I wondered if I should pluck them out or if the new growth was somehow telling me what everyone else was: that it was time to move on. I was ready, but at the same time in no way prepared to be let down. A majority of my grieving had to do with the fact that I had known a love so incredible, so unique, I was sure I’d never be given the same gift twice.
    “You are every dream I’ve ever had.”
    I shot awake in the deck chair