A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing

Free A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing by Eimear McBride

Book: A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing by Eimear McBride Read Free Book Online
Authors: Eimear McBride
Tags: Fiction, Literary, Coming of Age, Family Life
wet the whole way through. I’m sogging. I’m. Viscous lake. I. Sway. My eyes back. Jesus Christ he says you better sit down. Are you alright? I am. I am pure white. He says I’m I’m. Do you feel sick? No I say I’m. Watching his neck beat. Blood around blood around. He says just breathe in deeply. You’re going to be fine. It’s just a shock when. He can’t say. The first time. His face is unusual now. Listening for the stairs. Eyes all around. Just be calm. Just be calm. Pat me on the back. You’re fine. You’ll be fine. At this time I should not smell of drying weeds of scurf of lake I think but do. Not to him. Maybe. Then anyway. His deep night unwashed creases smell. Why don’t you go and have a wash he says. I’ll put the kettle on. Make some tea would you like that? Yes. Sorry about your cheek. It was a sorry. It’s fine. He push me. Fine fine fine. I laugh he’s worried now. And am laughing all the way up the stairs.
    Quiet bathroom. Everyone rolls in bed. No one wakes. It’s a weekend. Only we are up. And now’s for peering prodding. My fingerful of goop what is it I know sperm. It looks like it I know I know. Like snot or phlegm. Hock on the street. Sniffs strange. That’s good and exciting. And there’s a little blood there. And it hurts like mad. It’s a lot. Blood. Clot-ish. It’s an awful lot of sore. He rip me. No. Just feels it stings to touch. I heard it could. Had read but thought I climbed trees a lot so. That’s broke. It is surely broke. It did like something wicked. Burn. Sperm sperm sperm. It’s inside me. I hunker down. I washed it out. And pubic hair that’s longer blacker thick than mine. I’ll wash me. And my hair and everything to be clean. But butcher’s block. I felt between my legs would look like that.
    When I went down there were cornflakes toast and jam for me and tea and anything I would want. He doesn’t look. I’m shy I’m shy. He kiss me said I’m away today and you make me insane. I’ve never done that before. God what’s that hey that what we done? I don’t like to hear him speaking wrong. We did. What we did. Him anxious. Not at all like. But I am happy. Satisfied that I’ve done wrong and now and now. What now? Calm sliding down into my boat and pushing out to sin. He’s on the shoreline getting small. His hands on my shoulder. Brushing past my head. Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you? I’m humming my toes beating time on the lino. That’s alright that he is off. I’m off into the world of something and have something knotting in my head. Not school. Not thoughts of you. You yes. First to come to mind but. It’s not that place. There’s not room in this part of me any more. Relief. I think. What’s next and next? It’s surely coming now.
    Good God what happened your face it’s a right old state. Is it? What is it? Was it a cat or what? Wife aunt said. I went for a walk a branch swung back and got me whack in the cheek. Really dug in. Really stings. It cooks in me. Hot and boil my face. She does not. No one knows what he and me have secret. The dirty’s done and when he walks past me I’m sure it’s burnt across my skin. I look at him think you’ve fucked me. What if they all knew what. We. He and me. That’s something very new.
    Then later in the day. They just went. Got into their car and drove away with some, well hopefully we’ll see ye soons and give us a call when you get home just to let us know you landed safe. I was. At his peck. Fairly passive. Say it. Bye. Following a voice in my head. My tongue. Cleave to my mouth. Think of his. His bending brush kiss on the bone of my cheek. Bye then sweetheart. Filled with shame. Take care of yourself. Whisper. Then. And Goodbye to you.
     
    We are days. Watching telly drifting by. Coiled in front. Bored and always is. The evenings after school. But it comes over still. Whizz and whiz. What was that I did? I think of it in bed at night as. On my own I. Think will it always hurt? Will I

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