Free Topped by Kayti McGee

with a cup of coffee, it’s a freaking luxury.
    “But I like it this way. I love my work and I love my life. Yes, having someone like Joe in my life every day would be amazing. I can’t pretend it wouldn’t be, because I’m a truth-teller. But a life with someone like Joe would mean radically changing how I do things now, and I don’t want that. I don’t want external obligations. I can barely get my oil changed on time, much less make commitments with friends and family I don’t know, or spending quality time with him when I should be writing instead.”
    Jane’s lips are pursed, but she slowly shrugs and sighs. “If you say so.”
    “I do say so.” And rather eloquently, if I do say so myself. There are so few opportunities for a good monologue in real life.
    “If you mean it.”
    “I do!” I take her hand and squeeze. “You’re a wonderful friend for looking out for me, but you’ve seen my hours. I’m not in a place to have a relationship right now. I just want to potentially continue having earth-shaking sex with Joe for the next four days, or at least live on the high, and then go back to my regular schedule. I’m only getting away with it because conference week is like my vacation week.”
    “But you’re still working.” She finally begins to see. “You’re networking and all that other crap.”
    “Yeah, but I’m not writing as much, so I can soak up all the new things I learn this week. Believe it or not, it feels like a fabulous vacation and I love it.”
    “I guess you did get vacation sex.”
    “Which everyone knows is the best sex.” I point at her, and she has to concede. “So, really, I’m living the dream.”
    “I guess you are.”
    “Stop it.” I swat at her as she’s packing up her makeup. “I’m happy .”
    “I’m glad you are.” Jane kisses me on the cheek and squeezes me in a tight hug. “I just want you to be the happiest ever. And if you could look like this every morning, it would be the happiest ever.”
    “You’re the best. And I’m absolutely happy with exactly how things are right this very moment.”
    But as we pack up and part ways, a little niggling sensation appears in the back of my brain. It follows me all the way to the Marriott and into the conference hall. What if, big if , but what if Jane is right? What if I’m cheating my work, and my fans, by not experiencing something new and fresh? Would that one-night stand, delicious as it was, be enough?
    What if I accidentally fall for Joe, like all my heroines and my dating history, and then we have to part ways at the end of the week? That would be ruinous. I would write devastating fiction and cry all day.
    Wait, I do that already.
    A personal hell would be terrible. I can’t connect with him. I can’t fall for him. He’s got the power to ruin everything. But I can’t deny being with him was amazing. Feeling so special, so focused on, was incredible.
    It’s not like I hide in my house and never date. I do date. Sometimes. It’s just usually terrible and a total waste of my time. Joe didn’t feel like a waste, and even better, he didn’t make me feel like a waste, either. It was a perfect evening.
    Sometimes, though, perfect evenings deserve to be just that—an evening. Perfection can tarnish after so long, and I don’t want to mar the memory of something so special and incredible. So I won’t try and track him down. I won’t stalk the convention website to try and figure out his last name and then stalk him on social media. And then I think of Jane, and the way she lights up when talking about Bobby.
    Where is the line? Where does it become different, and worth pursuing?
    Maybe I’m being ridiculous. It was just a one-night stand. Those happen all the time.
    There’s no time to dwell on it, because I’m due in Conference Room B for the panel I’m on today. Oh hell yes, Randi Rose is going to be showcased on a super fun panel called Grinding It Out: Strategies for Staying Consistent .