Free Beneath the Surface by Heidi Perks Page B

nurse,’ Kathryn had said when she was twelve.
    ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Eleanor snapped. ‘You would never make a good nurse; you need to have more backbone. I could cut my hand right here and you would run away, screaming.’ She had held up her right hand and made an action of slicing it with the other.
    Kathryn returned to her bedroom and crossed off ‘nurse’ from her list. Of course her mother was probably right. She didn’t really think she would relish the sight of blood, although she couldn’t remember ever seeing much.
    And so that was the way it always was. Kathryn made a suggestion and if Eleanor didn’t agree, she accepted it. What was the point in fighting someone who was always going to win?
    But it wasn’t like that any longer. Eleanor could no longer even tell her what time of day it was and so suddenly Kathryn felt like she was facing the world and all its problems on her own. She had a future she was uncertain how to handle and a past she constantly feared would catch up with her. Being so exposed meant having to answer her own questions – like Abigail. That was one that kept cropping up lately. Images of Abigail were taunting Kathryn, and it scared her. Now her mother couldn’t give her the answer. Every time she saw Abigail’s face she found herself asking, ‘What have I done? What if I didn’t do the right thing because I never properly thought about it?’
    And no one answered her.
    *****
    Kathryn jumped when the phone rang, in turn burning her finger on the edge of the pan. She had been boiling milk on the hob to make hot chocolate.
    ‘Hello,’ she answered, glancing at the clock, wondering who could be calling so late.
    ‘Kathryn, it’s only me,’ Morrie said. ‘I’m sorry it’s late but we have a situation at the beach. Some youths came by tonight and dumped bottles and rubbish all over the place. It’s disgusting down here. I was wondering if the girls could come by tomorrow, we need helpers to clear up the mess.’
    ‘Of course,’ she said, running her finger under cold water and shaking her hand to ease the pain. ‘I’m sure they’d be more than happy to.’
    ‘How did it go today?’ Morrie asked. ‘I bumped into Hannah this morning and she told me it’s Eleanor’s birthday.’
    ‘It was fine,’ Kathryn sighed.
    ‘OK, well, you know where I am. You know, if ever you want anything.’
    ‘Thanks, Morrie, I’d better go. I’ll send the girls down first thing.’
    Kathryn hung up the phone and went back to stirring the milk, scooping the skin off the top with a wooden spoon and laying it over the side of the pan.
    Dear Morrie
, she thought. Sometimes her heart was bursting to tell someone what was really on her mind and if she ever chose to, it would be him. He had known her and the girls since they moved to the Bay in 2001. The first time she saw him he was trawling a net of fish out of a boat, just one of the local fishermen. He was only nine years older than her, but his weathered face made him look much older. She couldn’t believe it when someone told her his age. After that she saw him occasionally, whenever they were near the beach. He waved at them if they passed by, and smiled at the girls when they were toddling about on the sand, but nothing more than that.
    She couldn’t even remember if she had spoken to Morrie before a time, almost a year later, when she had taken the girls to collect shells on the beach. It was early spring and the sun was shining brightly. They stopped by the huts and Hannah was poking a rockpool with a net.
    ‘Don’t disturb the fishes,’ Kathryn told her daughter.
    It felt like a matter of seconds that she had taken her eyes off Lauren, focusing instead on Hannah’s unsteady jabbing, but in that short time Lauren had wandered off and was climbing over the rocks at the edge of the Bay.
    ‘Lauren, come back now!’ Kathryn called, spotting Lauren’s head bobbing up above the rocks. But the small child carried on