from early on because he’d told me he was when I’d admitted my sexuality during one of our early sessions. I wasn’t sure why he’d told me – maybe he’d thought it would help me open up more, but since my parents had always been supportive of my sexuality, it wasn’t something I was overly concerned with and I had mentioned it to him only when he’d asked if I had a girlfriend. I hadn’t really ever thought of the relationship Barry and I had as being anything other than professional, but I’d started to realize a couple months ago that maybe things had changed for him. It had been subtle at first – touches here and there, a little bit of flirting that even I recognized. His questions about whether or not I had ever had a boyfriend, his jokes about me just wanting to get out of the house so I could date someone and his comments about how attractive I was, had all made me start dreading our sessions rather than anticipating them. But I knew from experience that I wasn’t the best at reading people - my actions around Ronan three years earlier were proof of that - so I’d brushed all my discomfort off and focused on trying to find the courage I needed to get out of the house and finally start living. But when Barry had actually started to discourage me from testing myself with trips outside my comfort zone when he wasn’t around, I’d known that I’d have to do something about our professional relationship sooner rather than later.
“There you are,” Barry said as he entered the study. His skin was flushed like he’d been running, which didn’t make sense since it was a short walk from the front door – the door that had been locked but which Barry clearly had no reservations about using the security code I’d given him for emergencies on. I’d asked him once to call ahead of time to let me know he was coming but he’d brushed me off with a little laugh. I supposed it would have been just as easy to change the code, but the non-confrontational part of me hadn’t wanted to deal with explaining to Barry that his behavior was just too much.
“Hi, Barry,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“You never called me to reschedule our last session, so I thought I’d stop by and make sure you were okay,” he said as he came right up to me despite the fact that I’d been hoping to use the desk to keep some distance between us. “Besides, I was worried about you. That…man,” – his voice dripped with disgust – “was so rude yesterday.”
I didn’t bother to point out that Barry had been rude first by talking down to Ronan like he had.
“I’m doing okay,” I murmured. “But I’m kind of tired so I just want to take Bullet for a quick walk and then settle in for the night.”
Of course, Barry didn’t take the hint because he stepped forward and ran his hands up and down my arms. “You know you can tell me anything, right Seth?” he said softly.
I had no idea what he meant by the question but I was too preoccupied with his touch to give it much thought. I should have enjoyed the contact. Barry was a good looking guy. He was smart, funny, successful. But all I wanted to do was pull away from him. His fingers didn’t burn my skin with flashes of energy, his lips didn’t look warm and inviting, his voice didn’t rumble through me.
“I know,” I managed to say.
“That man-”
“Ronan,” I interjected because it annoyed me to hear Barry refer to Ronan that way…as if Ronan was somehow beneath him, beneath us.
“I didn’t like how he looked at you,” Barry murmured as he stepped even closer to me. I hadn’t even realized he’d maneuvered me so that my back was to the desk until his hands came up to hold my face and I couldn’t move any farther back.
“Barry…”
“Like he knew what you needed and I didn’t…” Barry whispered.
Warning bells started going off in my head as Barry’s eyes fell to my mouth.
“Barry-”
“You’re so beautiful, Seth,” Barry