Free The Knife and the Butterfly by Ashley Hope Pérez Page A

got myself a ghetto-ass private gym.
    My muscles burn enough to calm me down until another thought starts to mess with me. What if Eddie’s the one who got cut down? What if that’s what they’re keeping from me because they know once I find out they won’t get another damn word from me? I flash back to that dream. Eddie’s face, and then those hands with blood on them.
    But if this is about Eddie, why the hell do they have me watching Lexi? What does she know?
    I keep doing ghetto chin-ups until the muscles in my arms are screaming loud enough to drown out the craziness in my head again. I know one thing for sure: I got to get my hands on that diary of hers.

CHAPTER 20: THEN
    Everything changed after Mami died. Her sister, our Tía Julia, came from California and stayed with us for a while. Papi didn’t talk hardly at all, and he never looked at Regina. I think he put Tía Julia and the baby in the bedroom on purpose so that he wouldn’t have to see Regina. There was food and nobody hit us or nothing, so we were okay then. But at the same time, we weren’t. The apartment felt empty, and nothing was funny, not even cartoons. When Eddie and me left for school, Papi would be lying on the couch, faceup, eyes glued to the water stains on the ceiling. Sometimes when we got home, he was still in the same spot. Other times, he sat at the table holding one of Mami’s dish towels and studying it like there was a message written on it.
    After a couple of months, Tía Julia had to go back to her family. She offered to take Regina for a while, but Papi said no. By then he was heating her bottles and everything, but whenever we were home he had me or Eddie hold her. He went back to work and started paying Mrs. Guzman to watch Regina while we were at school. And so Regina had Mrs. Guzman and she had me and Eddie. But she never had Papi.
    One day just before Regina’s first birthday, we brought her home from Mrs. Guzman’s apartment like usual. It was early afternoon, and Papi should have been at work, but we found him passed out on the living room floor. The smell of booze on him was bad. Me and Eddie didn’t say anything, just took Regina into the bedroom and closed the door. A little later, we were playing with her on a blanket when we heard glass breaking in the other room. Eddie tickled Regina to keep her from crying, and we stayed real quiet until the crashing stopped and we heard the front door slam.
    “Listen, Eddie,” I whispered, “we got to be the moms for Regina.”
    “We’re boys, stupid,” he said.
    “You know what I mean. Look out for her. Make sure nothing bad happens to her. You know how Papi’s been since . . . pues, no es como antes .”
    “What do you want me to do?” Eddie acted like he was bored, but I knew he was listening.
    “ Promete ,” I said, “promise we’ll take care of her.”
    We made that promise before we even saw what Papi did in the living room. He’d gone and smashed up all the picture frames and ripped the pages out of our one photo album. There was nothing left but bent cardboard, shattered glass, and splintered frames. He didn’t leave a single picture of our mom behind. It was like he didn’t want Regina to ever know what Mami looked like. And that was a shame because you could see what a good person she was just by how she turned her head a little when she smiled.
    Eddie and me took turns cleaning up and watching Regina in the other room. “See? I told you,” I said.
    “Shut up,” he said, taking the trash bag from me. But from then on, he listened to me like we was the same age.

CHAPTER 21: NOW
    I’m counting on talking things through with Tigs, but he’s not outside at rec, and his cell is still empty when Pakmin comes to get me for observation.
    “Hey, where’s my man at?” I ask, jerking my head toward Baby Tiger’s cell and then looking back at Pakmin.
    Pakmin stops walking for a second and rests one hand on his belly.
    It takes me a minute, but then I