Free Home Again by Lisa Fisher

other girls and the counselor, whose name was Jamie. Our chairs were laid out in a circle, and I found my eyes darting from person to person, trying to figure each one of them out. Dr. Tinsley told me they all had problems like mine, but looking around the room, I couldn’t find one similarity. These were all people who either didn’t eat, or ate too much, then purged. These people didn’t have a logical reason for it. They had eating disorders. I had to keep my weight low for my job. We were just living in two different worlds. Why was I the only one who saw it?
    “I want you to all take your notebooks out, and write down something for me,” Jamie said.
    I looked at the other four girls, who were staring intently at Jamie, waiting for further instruction. This was stupid. Why was I here again?
    Oh, right. Because I needed to do everything I could to get my job back.
    Just play along, Ais, and you’ll be back to making music.
    “Write down one thing you like about yourself, and one thing that makes you feel insecure about yourself.”
    Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I started writing.
    I like that I can play the guitar.
    Okay, so maybe that was a dumb thing to like about myself.
    Cameras make me feel insecure.
    They captured everything. Then they magnified your flaws, and I had many of those.
    Like my weight.
    I’m not fat, I’m healthy. I wanted to throw this stupid notebook in the trash and never look at it again. And I wanted to forget those five words that were somehow ingrained in my memory.
    I wanted a lot of things, but mostly I just wanted to feel okay again.
    Instantly, I felt claustrophobic. I had to get out of here. I shut the notebook, and stood up quickly. All heads turned. So much for a subtle exit. I met Jamie’s eyes for a split second, before walking straight out the door without a look back.
     
    Group therapy? Yeah, no thanks.
     
    ***
     
    Monday mornings officially sucked.
    “Tell me about your week, Ms. Carter,” Dr. Tinsley said, notebook in hand.
    “Pretty uneventful,” I lied.
    “Did you catch up with any old friends?”
    I shrugged. What did my social life have to do with anything? “Yeah, a few.”
    “Tell me about it.”
    My face instantly flushed, thinking about Easton. “I’d rather not.”
    “I see.” She jotted something in her notebook.
    “I just like my privacy, that’s all.”
    “I understand, but you do know that everything you say to me is completely confidential, right?”
    “That’s never stopped anyone before,” I muttered.
    “It’s hard to trust people, Ms. Carter. Especially for someone in your position.”
    “Yeah.”
    “But, sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.”
    “I appreciate the sentiment, Doc, but I don’t think today’s going to be that day.” I smirked. “Time up?”
    She looked at her watch again. “Ms. Carter, you know you’re always free to go. I do have to warn you that you’ve only been in here ten minutes.”
    Ten minutes too long. “Sorry.”
    “If you don’t want to talk about your friends. How about we talk about the group session you attended?”
    I groaned. “You know about that?”
    “Jamie called me. She said you didn’t stay long.”
    “It was stupid.”
    “Why would you say that?”
    I shrugged, not wanting to explain myself. Anything I said she would just find a way to use against me.
    “Okay, I guess you don’t want to talk about that either.” She looked agitated. I wondered if she was getting as tired of our sessions as I was.
    “Tell me about how you did this week, meal-wise?”
    My jaw tightened.
    “Did you miss any?”
    “No,” I lied easily.
    She wasn’t fooled, though. The look on her face told me that. “How does that make you feel?”
    I thought psychologists only said that line in movies. “I feel fine.”
    “It’s okay if you don’t.”
    “Good to know,” I shot sarcastically.
    Dr. Tinsley pursed her lips. “How much do you weigh?”
    My eyes darted to hers in surprise. “Excuse