Free Sunshine by Nikki Rae

almost don’t hear him.
“Why not?” I ask.
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” is all he says.
Then he rests his head in his hands so I can’t see his face.
It takes me a minute to figure out exactly what is happening.
Oh my God, he’s crying.
I’m good with little kids crying. Little kids cry because it’s the only thing they can do sometimes. Grownups are supposed to be in control. When grownups cry, it’s harder to know what to do.
I’m shocked. I’m confused. I’m most of all concerned that whoever did this will try to do it again. I don’t know why I’m allowing myself to care so much, but I do.
“It’s okay,” I try to sound comforting. I don't even know if that helps or makes it worse. I don't know if it's okay.
He shakes his head.
“Is this something that could happen again?” I ask.
His hands ball into fists over his face and there’s the longest pause. Just when I’m about to stop badgering him, he answers me: “No.”
I hesitate, but I think about if I were upset and crying. Well that’s not a good example, I wouldn’t want anyone to touch me or be near me, and I don’t even know how to cry. So then I think about what I would do if Leena were crying, what she would want me to do.
I place my hand on his back, I swallow hard so I don’t get the urge to puke. I half expect him to pull away. “You haven’t told anyone besides me, have you?” I ask as gently as I can.
It’s extremely quiet when he’s stopped crying. He nods.
Why? Why not tell his friends? His real friends. The ones he’s known longer than me?
“I showed my mom because I thought she could help. She works at the hospital. But I’m afraid that I just made her worry more,” he says.
“Why haven’t you been home?”
“I don’t want to cause her any more problems than she needs.”
“I’m sure she doesn't think about it that way.” Now I’m just talking out of my ass.
He shakes his head. “I wish I could explain,” he says softly.
I try to not jump to conclusions, but someone definitely beat him up. His father, maybe? It’s none of my business. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to know. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
He sniffs. “You don’t?”
It catches me off guard that he would think I wouldn’t care. You have to care about your friends.
He doesn’t say anything for a minute. “I shouldn’t have told you any of this.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I was kind of…I don’t know, concerned?”
His body relaxes a little. His eyes start to look more normal. They’re still light and red and puffy, but there’s life behind them now. “Why were you at the hospital?” he asks.
I know that he’s just trying to change the subject so he can forget about his problems for now.
“It’s like you were saying,” I stare out at the now empty pond. “Some people have things happen to them that they feel like they can’t tell anyone about.”
He looks so sad. I don’t want to think about how he could possibly be worried about me as well, which is what his face says. After he stares at me like that for I don’t know how long, I spill the beans.
I tell him everything. Every detail of my pathetic little problem. I don’t know why I do this. It’s not like me to tell big portions of my life to people, not even Trei or Boo, but I tell him anyway. I tell him about the experiments and being sick as a kid. I tell him about not wanting to go back to Dr H’s and then going back anyway.
What shocks me more than my impromptu confession is Myles’ reaction. “Is that all? You can’t be out in the sun?” he asks.
“Well, not without protecting my eyes and skin. That’s why I was at the hospital, my doctor is there.” I’m surprised by how he’s not even looking at me like I’m insane.
He laughs. “I thought you were sick or hurt, that’s a relief.”
“A relief?”
“It doesn’t shock me as much as you thought it would?”
“Well, this wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. Usually people