Free She Loves You, She Loves You Not... by Julie Anne Peters

look at me, and the power of her sexuality makes my knees weak. “I wanted to make it worth your while.” I have to hang on to the counter to keep myself upright.
    A warning flare goes off in my head.
No
, I think.
Please no.
    I promised myself never to get involved with anyone again, ever. All you end up with is heartache. It’s not worth it. Even if I think Finn’s hot, I’m going to douse every flame that flickers. Every ember.
    Carly’s gone when I get back to the house around two. She left me a note:
    C ALL T ANITH.
    She wrote out the phone number, like I don’t know my own number.
    All I want to do is veg in the whirlpool. My feet are swollen, and my head’s spinning, trying to remember everything Finn taught me today. Trying to get her out of my head. On my way out the door, she said, “Get some decent shoes. You can’t work in flip-flops.”
    That’s what I should do. Go buy some Chucks.
    The bed moves up to greet me, and I lie down. I must fall asleep, because when my eyes open, I’m disoriented. I still have on the clothes I worked in, and the note is clutched in my hand.
    C ALL T ANITH.
    What time is it? Four forty-six here. Two hours later in Virginia Beach. Dad’s clearing the dinner table. Or if he’s finished, he and Tanith are watching TV or listening to music or reading. Paulie’s upstairs playing video games by himself. I’m disowned.
    I roll over onto my side. I have a job. A job I got all by myself without Dad’s or Carly’s or anyone’s help.
    It feels like more than a job. It feels like liberation. Independence. Like maybe there’s life after Sarah.
    I startle awake to my alarm. Punching it off with a fist, I stagger out of bed. I slept. I actually slept.
    A fuchsia sticky note is posted on the inside of my door, which is wide open.
    C ALL T ANITH.
    Message received, Carly. It’s six AM in Virginia Beach. Tanith is up making breakfast for Dad. During the school year, she works—worked—as a substitute teacher. She was always there, though, to see me and Paulie off. There when we got home from school.
    She answers on the second ring. “Hello?” Her voice sounds clear and cheerful.
    My throat closes. I strangle out, “Hi.”
    “Alyssa, is that you? Hi, honey. How are you?”
    For someone who was thrown out of the house? “Great.”
    “Really?”
    No, Tanith. Not really.
    She says, “I—we—miss you.”
    I close my eyes.
    “I’m so sorry about this,” Tanith says. “He just needs time to—”
    “I have to get to work,” I cut in. “Did you need something?” My voice regains control. I shouldn’t be mad at Tanith. Except, she knew. She could’ve intervened on my behalf. But no. Whatever Dad says, goes.
    “You got a package,” Tanith continues. “Well, a box.”
    “What is it?”
    “I don’t know. I don’t open your mail.”
    “Who’s it from?”
    “There’s no return address.”
    A pause stretches the distance between us. “Do you want me to send it to you at Carly’s?” she asks.
    “I guess. Wait.” If it’s from Sarah, I don’t want it here. “Any idea who it’s from?”
    “Yes,” Tanith says.
    My pulse races. “Why don’t you just burn it?”
    “I can’t do that, Alyssa. Do you want me to put it in your room?”
    “My room? What room? I don’t have a room there anymore, remember?”
    Silence. I hear her breathing. “Just open it,” I say, adding nicely, “please?”
    Tanith says, “I’d be happy to send it to you.”
    I don’t want it! “Just please open it and tell me what’s in it.”
    “Okay. Hold on a minute.” I picture her rummaging through the junk drawer for the scissors. “You should call and talk to Paulie,” she says. “He really misses you.”
    “I thought I wasn’t allowed to contact him.”
    “Who said that?” Tanith’s voice sharpens. “That’s ridiculous. Of course you can talk to your own brother.”
    Half brother. Whatever. Let’s talk about ridiculous, Tanith. You, standing in the hall upstairs