Free Stay Until We Break by Mercy Brown

him when the opportunity arises? How many opportunities do I think I’m going to get with him before he just goes back to hooking up with girls who aren’t neurotic?
    I follow him inside where Jeremy and Shen are now hanging out, all cozy on the sofa as they check out the latest
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. They point us to the kitchen and we help ourselves to the last two Red Stripes. Cole pops the tops off of the bottles and hands me one.
    “Cheers,” he says, and at least he’s smiling.
    I nod and smile too widely and exhale through my nose.
    Breathe, Sunny. Just breathe like a normal person.
    He starts to chat about the Tokyo Rose, thanking me for pulling the crowd down to the basement for Soft’s set. He asks me what else Craig had to say about radio promotion, and he actually seems interested so I tell him everything, including my big plans for blitzing the stations with calls from the road and to get some folks from home to make a bunch of calls over the next two weeks. I’m sure our housemates, Jeff and Adam, will do it, probably Trap’s housemate, George, too, if I offer to pay the phone bill and buy him a case of beer when we get home. And now that I’m talking business again, I feel okay. I know how to handle myself in this territory.
    When we finish our beer, we head back into the main room and now it’s just us band-related folks, though Joey is still missing in action, and now I’m pretty sure of the action part. Emmy and Travis are hanging out on top of their sleeping bags on the floor. Travis is sprawled out with his head in Emmy’s lap, smiling, blissed out as she plays with his hair. Cole and I unroll our sleeping bags and he puts his right next to mine. This makes me both nervous and stupidly happy, so I try to keep myself from grinning too much. We sit on top of our bags with our backs against the sofa, and he’s sitting close enough for me to feel his arm brush mine every so often, and every single time we touch, even accidentally, my heart feels it. I think if he intentionally touches me I might combust.
    Jeremy lights some candles on the side table and turns the lights out. Shen starts to play “Dire Wolf” on an old acoustic guitar, and Emmy joins in on the harmony. I’m loving the sound of her Jersey accent combined with his Mandarin. Now it feels like the family vacation I wish I got to have as a kid, where everyone gets along and all that’s required for a good time is being together. I almost want to open my mouth and sing,
Don’t murder me, I beg of you, don’t murder me . . .
but no way would I ever sing in front of these guys, or anyone. I notice Cole is quiet, just watching me, and I blush for no reason, hoping the darkness hides it.
    “Wish we had some weed,” Shen says when we finish the song. “The Dead always make me want to get high.”
    “I have weed,” says Cole.
    “You do?” Emmy asks. “Since when did you start smoking again?”
    “Marilyn gave me some. We should kill it.”
    “Bust that shit out,” Travis says, sitting up. “I don’t want to drive with it in the van anyway.”
    “Really, Bean? You’re gonna smoke?” Emmy asks.
    “Yeah,” Travis says. “Are you?”
    “Sure, if you are. We’ve never done it high before,” she says, grinning.
    “Oh, do you have a checklist of sexual milestones?” Travis asks. “If so, I’ve got a few items I’d like to add.”
    Emmy grins and kisses him. I look away, but something about my mood makes me want to watch, and it’s not like they’re being discreet. So I glance back, only now they’re really making out—I can even see Trap’s tongue, right here like they’re a couple of teenagers. But instead of the eye-rolling I normally reserve for moments like these, I feel the flutter of thrill deep in me and it starts to spread. I look back at Cole and he gives me a crooked smile that does me in.
    “How about it, Sunshine?” he asks. “You wanna get high?”
    “Um . . . yeah,” I say, blinking.