Free Safe & Sound by T.S. Krupa Page B

said, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. Lanie started to rub my back until the heaving slowed down and my breathing half returned to normal.

    “Jill, why don’t you tell us what is going on,” Lanie said quietly.

    I nodded slowly, sniffling and wiping the tears from my face.

    “When we were at the funeral home, I saw the lady and her two kids and I thought that would have been me sooner or later and then I realized that I was late with my period and that really could be me.” I paused to sniffle again. “I had so much hope that maybe I was pregnant and then there would still be a piece of Jay left in this world.”

    “Oh Jill … it doesn’t work that way,” Lanie said.

    “It could have,” I said, waving the indicator stick in her face.

    “Jay is gone and you can’t bring him back,” Lanie added.

    “But a baby …” I started.

    “Wouldn’t solve anything,” Stella said, finishing my sentence for me. I just nodded and adjusted my position on the floor so that my head now rested in Lanie’s lap instead of on the floor.

    “You gave us a really big scare,” Stella said.

    I crinkled up my forehead in confusion.

    “Lanie thought you were racing in here to take a bunch of pills or something,” Stella said.

    “What?” I asked in disbelief.

    “Well, in my defense, you have been supermoody and depressed … Rightfully so,” Lanie added when I made a face at her. “But something changed at the funeral home, which I now know was false hope, but at the time I thought it was you reaching your breaking point over receiving Jay’s ashes.”

    “Jay’s ashes! Where are they?” I asked in a panic, trying to sit up. I had forgotten about the ashes in my rush to get upstairs.

    “Calm down. They are safely on the kitchen table,” Stella said as Lanie pushed me back down.

    “When we got home, you raced out of the car like a bat out of hell and locked yourself in the bathroom,” Stella continued.

    “You didn’t really give us anything to go on so we just had to assume the worst,” Lanie said, finishing Stella’s words. The three of us sat there for a while in silence while I thought through the events of the previous couple hours—and week.

    “This has been the craziest week of my entire life,” I finally said.

    “Agreed,” Lanie and Stella said at the same time.

    We all stopped to look at each other and then we all burst out laughing. Nothing about the situation was funny, but something about it made laughter the only solution.

    “Look, I know I have been sad and all those things you said about me are probably true, but I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I really just let myself believe that maybe the family Jay and I dreamed about could still come true.”

    “It would never be the family you wanted. Jay wouldn’t be there,” Stella pointed out.

    “You’re right. I know you’re right, but at the time it didn’t seem to matter,” I said trying to defend my crazy antics.

    “Which is fine but you need to communicate that with us, Jill,” Lanie said. “We don’t know what is going on with you right now,” she added.

    “Fair enough,” I said, yawning.

    “Time for bed?” Stella asked and I nodded. Stella helped me stand up and took the pregnancy test that I was still clutching in my hand. She stood over the trash holding it out in one hand and looking at me for confirmation. I nodded that it was okay and she then unceremoniously threw it away.

    “Jill, you don’t really want a baby anyway,” she said as we made our way to the bedroom.

    “Why is that, Stella?”

    “Well, it will ruin your figure and then for the next 18 years, it would whine and complain. Eventually it will learn to talk back and spend all your money … Who wants that?”

    “You’re right … Who wants that when I have all that already … You are my friend after all,” I said, grinning at her.

    She considered my statement and shrugged. “I can’t argue with you there.” We all