Free So Many Reasons Why by Missy Johnson Page A

began, pausing to pile another mouthful of pasta
into her mouth. “How did it all start? Have you done the deed yet?” Good old
Cass. Always the romantic. No messing about with her.
    “No, I told you we haven't even kissed yet. I'm not sure I
want to.” I did want to. I wanted to really badly. I just wasn't sure I could.
    “Things will go smoothly so long as you are open about
things.” Cass was right. I knew that. “And that's a two way street. Both of you
need to be open about what you want from the beginning. It's obvious there is
some level of attraction there, but you need to think before you pursue it.
There are lots of things riding on this. You both have baggage.” she added
seriously.
    Strangely though, that was far from my biggest concern. In
the back of my mind paranoid Emma was screaming 'what if he rejects you'.
    “If you tell him how you feel and it goes nowhere, it’s not
a reflection on you, Em.” Cass echoed my thoughts. “And I don't want to go on
about the negatives, but have you really thought about the age difference?” I
shot her a look. She raised her hands defensively
    “I don't have a problem with it, but some people might Em.
Your parents for a start. His parents. His friends.” Cass put her empty plate
on the table. “His daughter.”  Her eyes showed nothing but concern for me.
I knew Cass, and I knew she just wanted me prepared. For everything. 
    “I can barely move past the fact that I like him. How others
will view it hasn’t even entered my thought process.” Had he thought about it?
How his friends and family would react? He hadn't spoken about them much. Cass
was quiet. She looked at me.
    “Em, there is also the school board, should they find out.
And the DA office. I am positive it is a bad career move for him, getting involved
with a student.” She said quietly.
    She came over and wrapped her arms around me. It had never
occurred to me that I could ruin his career. It was a given the university
would not approve, but it wasn’t against the law. Student and professor relationships
weren’t encouraged, but they happened. Only he wasn't just a professor. He was
the Assistant District Attorney. Any kind of scandal would surely effect his
position, and any chance of furthering his career. Was I ready to be
responsible for that?
    “Em, I'm just trying to get you to consider everything. Both
of you.” She kissed my forehead as I fought back tears. Suddenly, she was
pulling me to my feet. “Enough of the pity party. Let’s get your outfit ready.”
     

Chapter Nine
     
    “Hello?” I call out. My head hurts. Everything hurts. I
glance around the room. I shiver. It is so cold. I struggle to remember what
happened. How did I get here? I look down at my hands. The rope is starting to
rub through my skin. I begin to cry.  
    I woke up, breathing hard. My hands gripped the soft suede
fabric of the couch. My couch. Another nightmare. No matter how often they
came, I could never get used to them. They left me feeling so empty and scared,
just like I did when I was ten years old. I rubbed along my arm, the sweat
apparent on my fingers.
    I stared at the cream ceiling above me. The feeling of it
closing in on me slowly began to subside. My alarm sounded. Simon would be here
soon. I needed a shower. Why did I think a nap was a good idea?
     
    My reflection stared back me in the hallway mirror. I
smoothed over the black skirt Cass had brought me. The blue top was more
revealing than my usual attire, but I loved the way it made me feel. I felt
sexy. Blue was a great choice with my dark hair and blue eyes. I tugged down
the top slightly to reveal the slightest glance of my black lace bra.
    I blushed as I thought about the matching lace panties. Cass
had assured me there was nothing wrong with a bit of playing, and playing
didn't entitle him to anything more. It was kind of funny hearing Cass give me
the 'no means no' and 'I can stop at any time' lecture. That was probably the
one