Free In the Blood by Sara Hantz

be stopping this.
    I glance across at Mom, but it’s like she’s not even listening to what he’s saying. She’s too busy smoothing out the nonexistent creases in her skirt.
    “I’m not sure. I’ll have to see what happens. Sorry. Can we go now? I want to get this over with.”

Chapter Twenty-one
    As they unlock the interview room, a blast of cold air engulfs me and a shiver shoots down my spine. I swallow hard. The smell of stale sweat wafts over from where Dad’s sitting and assaults my nostrils, turning my stomach.
    I keep my eyes focused on the stone floor, counting the cracks and trying to step over them. The door slams and locks behind me, causing me to jump. Approaching the table, I force myself to look up. My inside’s in knots. I know it’s Dad; he has the same face, the same hair. But it’s like he’s shrunk into himself. In court, I saw he was a lot thinner, but being up close to him, it’s even worse. His eyes are sunken into his head, and his complexion is yellowish with several pimples across his chin. Who is this man?
    I toss a glance over my shoulder at the locked door, and panic washes over me. Shit, I can’t do this. Beads of perspiration form on my forehead and my hands are really clammy. I’ve gotta get out of here. I don’t know what to say. It’s not fair. Why am I being put through this?
    “Hello, Jed,” he says quietly as I turn to look in his direction, his voice devoid of any emotion.
    My breathing is labored, but I fight against it and force myself to inhale deeply and calm down. I’m here now, I’ve promised to do it. People are depending on me.
    “Dad.”
    I pull out the chair and sit opposite him. He reaches out to touch my arm, which is resting on the table, but I quickly pull it away. Touching wasn’t part of the deal. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.
    “How are your mom and Amy?”
    I shrug.
    “And you?” he adds.
    I shrug.
    I can’t do it. Panic bubbles in the pit of my stomach. This is freakin’ crazy. How can I sit across from such a disgusting monster and make polite conversation? I can’t. I just can’t.
    You can , says a voice in my head. Remember what Summer said about distancing yourself. You’re here to help other families. Concentrate on that.
    “Why did you do it?” I blurt out.
    The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can hightail it outta here.
    His eyes glaze over. It’s like he’s not listening. Doesn’t want to listen.
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” he finally replies. “I want to know about you. How have you been? What’s happening in your life? What about Summer, you still sweet on her?”
    What’s he playing at? The crazy fuck. Does he think I’m here to make small talk?
    “You lost the right to be interested in my life the day we found out about you. So stop trying to be like a dad to me. Because you’re not. As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to me. Do you hear me? D.E.A.D.” I bang my fist on the table.
    My heart is pounding, and I start to shake. This isn’t what was meant to happen. I glance across to the window where I know Spalding and Mom are watching. Any minute now, someone will come in and take me out of here. And I’d have failed.
    I pull in some deep breaths, all the time staring at him. He doesn’t seem at all fazed by my outburst. It’s like he expected it.
    “Why, Dad? Why?” I say, forcing my voice to come out calm and restrained.
    Just tell me , I inwardly plead. Tell me and then we can end this farce . How can he really love me if he wants to put me through this? It’s like I’m part of one of his sick sadistic games.
    “I couldn’t help it,” he says deliberately. “I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself. That’s why, when I saw you in court, I knew we had to talk. There are so many things you have to know. Need to know. I had to fight my feelings for you when you were young. And it wasn’t easy. I wanted to. God knows I did, but I didn’t. Surely that’s got