Free The Drazen World: LUST (Kindle Worlds Novella) by Lola Darling Page A

auditioning, playing slightly bigger venues every time. I just . . . I feel like if we’d gotten a chance, if we’d gotten that one big break, then maybe she would have been okay.”
    His cheek comes to rest on the crown of my head, his hair falling down to brush my temple. “Or maybe not,” he replies, and I can feel the reverberation of his baritone voice echoing down my body. “That’s the hardest part. The what ifs they leave behind. You’ll never know what could have changed things, because there is only this outcome, only this reality.”
    “How the hell do you deal with that, though?” I ask, surprised to feel a sharp sting behind my eyes. I haven’t cried about Gabby in over a week now. I thought maybe I was past the displaying emotion phase, and moved on to the deadened denial phase.
    “One day at a time,” he answers, and it’s not what I want to hear, it’s not a simple solution. But it’s the honest one, and somehow, hearing it from him, with his hand wrapped so comfortingly around mine, makes me feel like maybe he’s right.
    So I nestle in closer to his shoulder, and I let myself fall into the world of cowboys and bank robbers and high-speed horse chases. And for an hour and a half, I manage to forget about all the shitty parts of the world.
    ***
    My phone buzzes as we pull up outside my house, but I ignore it. No time for that now. Paul’s still here.
    He reaches across the car to wind his fingers through my hair, and as our lips sink together, I swear, tonight is as close to a perfect date as I’ve ever experienced.
    “I don’t want to hurt you,” Paul murmurs when we separate. “You know what I am; you know I’ve taken vows. If we keep seeing each other, it could never be public, never be open. That’s not a life I want to drag you into.”
    “You aren’t dragging me.” I shake my head hard, grasp the back of his neck to force his eyes to lock onto mine. “I want this, Paul. I want you . I don’t care if we have to sneak around—so be it. If that’s the price of this feeling, of this thing we have together, then I’ll pay it every damn time.”
    “This is probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.” He closes his eyes with a grimace.
    “So? You deserve to be a little selfish, sometimes. You deserve to be happy too, Paul, instead of always making it about everyone else’s pleasure, everyone else’s release.”
    His lips quirk into a faint smile. “I’m starting to think you might be a bad influence on me, Darren.”
    I grin. “Good.”
    His lips find mine, and for a long moment, there’s no more talking. There’s only our hands all over one another in the dark car, our breaths hot in each other’s mouths. When we peel apart again, with a regretful sigh from him, I know it’s almost time to part.
    But he brushes my hair back from my forehead and meets my gaze one last time. “So we’re really doing this?” he asks, and it’s the first time I’ve seen him unsure. I don’t think I realized, until this exact moment, just how much he wants me. He wants me with every ounce as much burning desire as I do him.
    “We are.” I nod firmly, as if by saying it, I can make it come true. “I’m yours, Paul.”
    “And I belong to you, Darren,” he whispers.
    I hold onto those words long after his taillights fade in the distance, back off to the rectory to explain his absence to his brothers. While I’m left here alone, to trudge up the long walk to my house, and sleep alone in my cold, empty bed.
    My phone buzzes once more in my pocket as I turn to climb the steps. I’d forgotten about it ringing earlier. I tap on the screen, pull up the voicemail, expecting a message from Monica, maybe, or perhaps my parents.
    When I see the name on the screen, though, instinct makes my stomach curdle. I swallow hard, and tap on the voicemail, switching it to speakerphone so I can hear as I shove open the door to my place.
    “I hope you’ll understand someday why I did it,”