Free Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney

he has a bone to pick with just about every teacher in the school, including Mr. Ira.
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    So I'm not too worried about the chances of Bill's comic getting in, either.
    [Image: cartoon drawn by the Bill.] The Caption reads: " Hey, Mr. Ira, you pooped your pants again.

    Yuh
    Huh
    !

    Nuh
    Uh
    !

    Stink lines (from the poop.)"
    There were actually one or two decent comics in the bin. But I slipped them under a pile of paperwork on Mr. Ira's desk.
    Hopefully, those ones won't turn up until I'm in high school.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy putting comic in a pile of paperwork.]
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    Thursday

    Today, during morning announcements, I got the news I was hoping for.
    [Image: a cartoon showing children in the classroom.] The Caption reads: " And the new cartoonist for the school paper is...Greg heffley!"
    The paper came out today at lunch time, and everyone was reading it.
    I really wanted to pick up a copy to see my name in print, but I decided to just play it cool for a while instead.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy trying to look at the paper.]
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    I sat at the end of the lunch table so there would be plenty of room for me to start signing autographs for my new fans. But nobody was coming over to tell me how great my comic was, and I started to get the feeling something was wrong.
    I grabbed a paper and went into the bathroom to check it out. And when I saw my comic, I practically had a heart attack.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking at a comic.]
    Mr. Ira told me he had made some "minor edits" to my comic. I thought he just meant he fixed spelling mistakes and stuff like that, but he totally butchered it.
    The comic he ruined was one of my favorite ones, too. In the original, Creighton the Cretin is taking a math test, and he accidentally eats it. And then the teacher yells at him for being such a moron.
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    By the time Mr. Ira was done with it, you practically couldn't recognize it as the same strip.
    Creighton the Curious Student by Gregory Heffley
    [Image: a cartoon strip.] The Caption reads: " Teacher, if x + 43 =89, then what would x be?
    Creighton, x would be 46!"
    Thanks. Kids, if you want to learn more about math, be sure to visit Mr. Humphrey during his office hours. Or visit the library and check out the newly expanded Math and Science section!"
    So I'm pretty sure I won't be signing autographs anytime soon.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a man throwing the boy.] The Caption reads: " Teacher's pet!"
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    MARCH

    Wednesday

    Me and Rowley were enjoying our hot chocolate in the cafeteria with the rest of the Patrols today, and there was an announcement on the loudspeaker.
    [Image: a cartoon showing two boys in the cafeteria.] The Caption reads: " Rowley Jefferson, report to Mr. Winsky's office immediately."
    Rowley went down to Mr. Winsky's office, and when Rowley came back fifteen minutes later, he looked pretty shaken up.
    Apparently Mr. Winsky got a call from a parent who said they witnessed Rowley "terrorizing" the kindergartners when he was supposed to be walking them home from school. And Mr. Winsky was really mad about it.
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    Rowley said Mr. Winsky yelled at him for about ten minutes and said his actions "disrespected the badge."
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to the teacher.]
    You know, I think I might just know what this is all about. Last week, Rowley had to take a quiz during fourth period, so I walked the kindergartners home on my own.
    It had rained that morning, and there were a lot of worms on the sidewalk. So I decided to have some fun with the kids.
    [Image: a cartoon showing kids walking on the road.] The Caption reads: " EEEEEEEE!!!"
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    But some neighborhood lady saw what I was doing, and she yelled at me from her front porch.
    It was Mrs. Irvine, who is friends with Rowley's mom. She must have thought I was Rowley, because I was borrowing his coat. And I wasn't about to correct her, either.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a woman watching children going on the road.] The Caption