Free Gina and Mike by Buffy Andrews

room. I wasn’t going to hurt him; I just wanted him to stop looking at my girl. After that, Gina didn’t complain about him anymore. 
    Damn. I hadn’t thought about all these people in years. 
    I hated the house when Jack was at Lisa’s. It was too quiet.  I walked into his room and sat on his bed. It reminded me of my room when I was his age – junk everywhere. Comic books stacked on his nightstand. His baseball glove, spikes and bat scattered on the floor. Comic hero posters taped to the walls and clothing hung half out of his dresser drawers. He definitely preferred things messy.
    The phone rang. It was Jack. He was calling to say goodnight. It was something Lisa started. She thought it was important for Jack to tell me goodnight on the nights he wasn’t with me. And, of course, when he slept at my house, I made sure he called her.  
    I picked up the black-framed photo of me and Jack sitting on his computer desk. We were making funny faces. Jack was about four at the time. Looking at him, you’d never guess he was my kid. He has blond hair and fair skin like his mom. Side by side, we looked like an Oreo with a missing wafer.
     
    ****
     
    Gina
     
    I dug the reunion invitation out of the trash. The reunion was six weeks away. I wondered how much weight I could lose in six weeks. If I went to the reunion, I wanted to look good.  Not just average, but good. I’ve always exercised and never had to worry about eating cakes and cookies and the salty snacks I loved. But my body was changing, and I couldn’t eat all the junk I used to eat and stay a size 8, even with the exercising. It was a bitch getting older.
    I remember when I was in high school and we celebrated Mom’s fortieth birthday. I remember thinking how old that was. Now that I’m almost forty, it seems so young. I don’t feel old. Even the fertility doctor said lots of women are waiting to have children until their late 30s or early 40s. Although he said some have to use donor eggs because their eggs are not viable.
    I sipped my tea as I checked my calendar to see if I would be out of town for work the day of the reunion. Turned out I was in Atlanta the week before and Chicago two weeks later. But that week was free. 
    I stood naked in front of the full-length mirror mounted on the back of my bathroom door. I rubbed my hand over my stomach then pinched my belly fat. I doubted that I could lose two inches in six weeks. It wasn’t like when I was a teenager and could exist on water and crackers for a few days to drop some weight before the prom. I long since gave up the cracker and water diet, but running consistently might help. It did seem silly, though, trying to get a flat stomach when I was going to turn around and get pregnant.
    I turned sideways, wondering what that view would look like when I was nine months pregnant. Sue said that she got so big that her belly button turned inside out. It was the only time that her belly button was free of dirt and dust, she said. Now, she uses Q-tips and tweezers to clean the creases like the rest of us.
    I can’t imagine my stomach being that big. And yet, the thought comforts me. I feel powerful. Just the idea of a baby growing inside of me makes my head spin. I want to feel a baby kick inside of me. Now, at this point in my life, there’s nothing I want more.
    I sometimes wonder what I will tell my daughter when she asks me about her daddy. Do I tell her the truth? That he was just a number on a sheet of paper that I picked because he was smart and good looking? That I shopped for her like I would a designer dress? It feels so wrong in so many ways, but I don’t exactly have a choice. I’m cognizant that time is my enemy and the longer I wait, the more difficult it will be.        
    It’s weird when I think about something how it seems to turn up everywhere. Like now that I’ve decided to have a baby, I see babies everywhere. I page through a magazine and see babies in stories and in