Free Destroy All Cars by Blake Nelson Page A

She’s at the stupid TeenZone place. In the basement of the lodge.
    MOM: How long ago was that?
    ME: Ten minutes?
    DAD: This is not responsible behavior, James. You do not leave your sister. You do not leave family members alone in strange places.
    ME: You left us.
    DAD: What?
    MOM: What did you just say?
    DAD: Answer me, James. What did you just say to me?
    MOM: Answer him, James. What did you say?
    ME: I said, You left us.
    MOM: Are you trying to ruin this trip? Are you trying to ruin this entire vacation?
    ME: No.
    DAD: Well, that’s what you’re doing.
Issues (A Personal Essay)
    When my dad left our family, I went to this guy in a sweater vest for counseling. He was a doctor of some sort. My parents paid him. Normally, I would not agree to this. I generally avoid people in sweater vests but this was a difficult time, and people wanted me to do it, so I did.
    Going to counseling was another example of CONSUMER AMERICANS solving problems by buying stuff. Our solution to all problems is to buy something. Buying me time with this guy was a waste of money, but it made everyone feel better. Almost everything we buy IS A WASTE OF MONEY but it usually succeeds in MAKING US FEEL BETTER.
    Which is not to say I wasn’t upset at that time—I was—but it was not a particularly mysterious feeling. It was the usual holy crap, my parents are splitting up feeling. You probably don’t need years of mental health training to understand it. But I went to the guy anyway and we talked and we “sorted things out.” The main things we sorted out were that my dad is self-centered, my mom is emotionally distant, and I have “anger issues.”
    I was mostly angry at my dad. My counselor said this was partly because my dad and I were so much alike. Whenever he pointed this out, he acted very proud of himself, like this was a profound insight. I didnot think this was a profound insight. Of course people are like their parents; it’s called genetics.
    During the separation, Libby and I were living with my mom, so we mostly heard her side of things. But to be brutally honest, I could see my dad’s side, too. He got sick of us. It happens. You get sick of people. I know parents aren’t supposed to do that, but I could see how they could. Dad got bored and annoyed and pissed off and he bailed. Then he saw how lame being a fifty-year-old divorced loser was going to be and he came back. My sister, Libby, totally freaked. She didn’t understand it at all. But I did. It still made me mad but it was not incomprehensible.
    My counselor’s office was across the street from our local mall. Sometimes I walked over to the mall afterward and got a smoothie or whatever and thought about what we had discussed. I suppose I did learn a few things from my time with the counselor. I just can’t remember what they are.
    The main thing about when your parents split up is that they stop being your parents. They become like couples you know at your school who are breaking up. The whole WE ARE YOUR ALL-KNOWING AND ALL-POWERFUL PARENTAL FIGURES breaks down and they become Kayla and Josh having a fight in the parking lot. That’s the part that screws up the kids. The feeling that there are suddenly no ALL-POWERFUL PARENTAL FIGURES standing over them anymore. Kids need that. They need the protection. It’s sort ofsad how fragile we are, how dependent. The whole situation is just embarrassing, when you get right down to it. Which is why it would be better if it didn’t happen.
    But it did, so there you go. And then my dad came back and there were all sorts of weird mornings and weird evenings and weird this and that. “Things change,” my mother used to say to us, during the worst of it. They sure do.
A HOFF FAMILY VACATION (continued)
    The “leaving your sister at the TeenZone” controversy blows over and the next day we pack up our snowboards and go to Mount Bachelor. Riding on the