Free Hollow Men by Sommer Marsden

change your mind or convince you. I wouldn’t try, to be honest. I want you to feel things for me because you feel things for me.”
    I do.
    I left it unsaid. Anger was easy to cling to, and as I watched him, it rode in on its black steed, and I grabbed for it. “I’m sorry you feel as if you’re a booty call,” I snapped. “It’s not like that, but I don’t have a place in my life for a happily ever after, Evan. This life is not the life I used to have.”
    “That doesn’t mean it has to be all doom and gloom and pain,” he said.
    “Actually, it does.” I pulled back and moved away. My body mourned the sudden absence of his warmth. I cleared my throat. Back to business. “I think when dusk starts to fall, we should go ahead and fire this thing up and take it through that thicket to the back of my house. There are some things missing from here I know my dad would have packed. I assume they were going to load when needed.”
    He watched me but said nothing. A brief nod was all I got as acknowledgement.
    I felt sick. I felt as if I were a traitor. And those feelings made me angrier. What a fucking mess. Part of me wished he’d never shown up. I’d be alone in my house just as I’d been for months, and I wouldn’t know the fucking difference. I certainly wouldn’t have a steady ache in my chest as relentless as a rotten fucking tooth because of what he’d said to me. And what it made me feel.
    “Right. Don’t talk to me. That’s fine.”
    “It’s not that I’m not talking to you, El. I just don’t know what to sa—”
    “Save it,” I snapped. “No time for feelings.”
    He shut his mouth.
    I had that surreal moment where I could hear my mouth and wished it would stop. Wished the venom coming out of me would just cease, and I could talk to him for real. Be honest. But that would mean admitting things I did not want to admit. Feeling things I did not want to feel. So I didn’t.
    This world was full of loss. It was full of pain. You had something and you loved it and you held it close and then…it was gone. I couldn’t do that anymore. I didn’t want to. I simply said, “I’m going back to the house to evaluate supplies. You can come or you can stay. Whatever you want.”

 
    Chapter Seven
     
     
     
    He followed me without saying a word. A respectable distance separated us, but it felt like miles. Evan was trying to give me space, but his courtesy felt like betrayal. I stomped through the trees, forcing myself from time to time to stop. I didn’t want to alert anyone we were out here. My anger and my pain would have to wait.
    I tripped over a tree root and felt his steadying hand on me, but he didn’t speak. I wanted him to speak. I wanted him to talk me out of my nasty disposition. I wanted him to tell me it would all be okay and he’d be right there and nothing at all would happen to him or me or us.
    I wanted him to hold me.
    Instead, I unlocked the back door after a fast sweep of the house and porch. I held the door wide for him, and he ducked inside, passing close to me but not touching me. Inside, he checked the house and motioned for me to come in.
    “We can gather everything up here, and at dark go back over and start it.”
    “Are we sure it will start?”
    I shrugged. “It should. They used to keep their toys in pristine order.” I leaned over, hands on knees. I was suddenly exhausted. “I guess if it doesn’t, worst case scenario, we come home and regroup. Hammer out plan B.”
    He moved to the cabinet and withdrew two instant noodle bowls, then he put the kettle on. “You need to eat,” he said.
    “No need to baby me,” I snapped.
    “I’m not babying anyone. We both need to eat,” he said, facing the stove. He didn’t look at me, and for some damn reason that hurt me more than anything. Only problem was I’d created this rift. Not because I didn’t want what he wanted, but because the minute my true feelings became clear, I had pushed him away.
    “Fine. I’m