Free Sara by Greg Herren

back over to my bed and sat down. I picked up my phone. Without thinking about what I was doing, I dialed Glenn’s number.
    He answered on the second ring. “Hey, Tony, what’s up?”
    The sound of his voice somehow made me relieved, like a part of me had been afraid he was dead, too. “Did you hear about Noah Greene?” I asked.
    â€œNo, why?”
    â€œHe was killed last night. He wrecked his truck.”
    â€œOh, jeez.” He was silent for a moment. “Was he drunk? Did he get drunk at Linda’s party? Is that what happened?”
    â€œYes,” I replied. “He’d been drinking at the party. They think he was going too fast and lost control of the truck. And it rolled.” I couldn’t say the rest—about him being thrown out and crushed when it rolled over his body.
    I couldn’t even think about that.
    â€œWas Laney with him? Is she all right?”
    â€œNo—it happened after he dropped her off.”
    â€œWell, thank God for that, I suppose.” He paused, and went on in a cheerful voice, “Hey, I got to tell you, man, I had the best time with Sara last night! She’s really really cool.”
    I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Glenn, were you not listening to me? Noah is dead. One of our classmates was killed last night.”
    â€œYeah, and I feel bad for his family, and Laney, and his friends. But other than that, what am I supposed to feel?” Glenn replied, his voice testy. “Look, I’m sorry it happened, I’m not glad he’s dead or anything, but I didn’t like him, and he didn’t like me. I’m supposed to be sorry that some kid who went around calling me a faggot went and got himself killed? I’m not going to pretend to feel something I don’t feel, Tony.”
    â€œDude—”
    â€œI’m not a hypocrite, Tony. I’m not going to shed any tears for Noah Greene. He was an asshole when he was alive, and dying doesn’t change that.”
    I was floored. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was right—Noah had been kind of an asshole to him. But Glenn was the kind of guy who cried at happy endings in movies. “Glenn—”
    He lowered his voice. “Don’t judge me, Tony, all right? You and I both know that if it hadn’t happened, he’d show up at football practice on Monday and be just as big a douchebag as he always was—and we wouldn’t like him any more than we did on Friday.”
    Was he right? Was I being a hypocrite?
    â€œTony, I can tell you’re upset.” He went on when I didn’t say anything. “And you probably think I’m being cold, right?”
    â€œKind of.”
    â€œYou knew him your whole life, is the difference.” He lowered his voice again. “I know I seem like an insensitive jerk, but I’m not going to lie to you about how I feel.” He barked out a short laugh. “Around everyone else, I’ll pretend it’s a great tragedy, okay? But don’t ask me to lie to you, Tony.”
    â€œOkay.” I closed my eyes. “So, what did you and Sara do last night?” Maybe he was right—maybe it was better to talk about other things, not think about Noah, not think about how—
    â€” someone my age is dead now.
    â€œShe’s really cool, Tony—I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone like her before.” I could almost see the happy look on his face. “We went to see a movie, went to Vista afterward, and then went for a drive in the country. We just hung out, and you know, she doesn’t have a problem with me being gay or anything—she just thinks it’s a shame there aren’t any other gay kids around, you know, but she knows about this group for gay teenagers over in Wichita, and she said she’d go over there with me if I wanted her to—she knew some gay kids back where she’s from, you know, and