to go. I need to talk to him about it though, otherwise I’ll build
it up way too much in my head and I’ll end up getting hurt that much more when
he tells me it didn’t mean a fucking thing.”
Susie laughed and said, “He’s kind of….blunt, isn’t
he?”
“That’s putting it nicely,” I told her. I looked at
my cell phone then and said, “Aren’t you down to about fifteen minutes now?”
“Oh shit! Yeah,” She popped back over to the tub and
hugged me. “Just remember that you deserve to be happy, okay?” Susie knew how
hard I struggled after my boyfriend died, and how I had a tendency to blame
myself for things and take on other people’s problems as my own.
“I’ll remember. Thank you, Susie.”
After Susie left, I got in the shower and got ready
to go. I was a nervous wreck. It was one of those days where I seriously hoped
my deodorant was working. I wasn’t so much worried what Molly would think.
She’d been encouraging me all along to keep seeing Tristan, although I was sure
she’d be surprised that I stood up there on stage and kissed him in front of god
and everyone. I was worried about what the producers were going to say, and I
was sure that no matter what I’d told myself, they weren’t going to just let it
go.
I was going to walk in there with my head held high
and take it like a grown-up if they fired me. I’d made a choice to do what I
thought was right at the time; I had to live with the consequences.
I ran into Molly in the parking lot. She had a look
on her face like she was about to burst.
“Oh my god, Elly ! What was
that last night?”
I shrugged and said, “He didn’t have anyone to sing
with.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Why didn’t
I know you could sing like that? You were amazing. You should be in this
contest instead of behind the scenes.”
“Thanks. I’m not much for singing in front of an
audience.”
“You sure did a fine job last night…and of kissing
in front of a live audience too! Wow! That was hot!”
“That wasn’t really part of the plan….”
Molly laughed as I pulled open the doors and we
walked in, “I could tell,” she said.
“ Elly !” It was Clint’s
secretary. She looked like she’d been waiting for me.
Molly gave me a look of encouragement and said,
“I’ll see you later.”
“Hi, Theresa,” I said to the other woman.
“Hi, Elly . Clint wants to
see you in his office in fifteen minutes.”
“Okay, thanks,” I told her. I didn’t ask her what it
was about. That would be like indulging in sadomasochism. I knew exactly what
it was about, and I was pretty sure how it was going to end.
Those fifteen minutes may have very well been the
longest in the history of the world. I went and put my things away and then I
just paced around until, at last, it was time to get it over with. When I got
to the office, Theresa told me to go on in; “they” were waiting for me. I
wasn’t at all surprised to see Jake and Tony both there too when I opened the
door.
“Hello, Elly .” Jake said
my name in a tone that denoted a deep disappointment. I think he had high hopes
for me.
“Hi…everyone,” I said.
“Have a seat please, Elly ,”
Clint said. “You know what this is about?”
I nodded and then tried to swallow the lump in my
throat. My mouth was too dry. Finally, I said, “Yes, I think I do.”
Jake spoke then, “I’m just so surprised, Elly . Why? What would make you do that? You are so good at
your job and you seemed so excited about it. You gave me no reason to think
that if someone was going to “fraternize” with one of the contestants, it would
be you.”
“He didn’t have anyone else. He needed me,” I said.
“He manipulated you,” Tony said. Tony didn’t like
Tristan, it was no secret. It was really Tristan’s fault, too, so I couldn’t
hold it against him. But that wasn’t true. Tristan didn’t manipulate me. I went
in to it knowing full well what I was doing and what the