Free Love Made Me Do It by Tamekia Nicole Page B

my lover.  He had yet to see that I was living right across the street from him.
    I felt like a private eye, watching and waiting.  Then more watching and waiting. My anxiety and blood pressure were through the roof. The roommate started storing things at my house because he was plotting to move out.  So every night, I lay and stare at his belongings.  Disgusted with myself.
    Admittedly, I was being selfish.  I never gave a fuck when he would moan and groan about my lover finding out that I lived across the street. “Get over it!”  “He knows that we’re fucking, and soon he will know that I live across the street.”  That was my only response to this same old, tired, ass discussion between us.  We were both accountable for this fiasco. He just needed to ride this out.  I was still the center of my own existence and therefore my happiness came first.”
    I partied with my new friends’. I experienced Oakland and parted with San Jose. I drank Bad Apples. I was known for partying till the sun came up or until I threw up. I clubbed almost every night of the week and would slither in the house around 3am.  Sleep for a few hours, and then go to work…
    The solidarity that I experienced with my new friends was similar to that of a family.  I desperately needed to feel like I belonged to something and someone. My club life started to make my boyfriend feel insecure.  So I took the advice of my coworker. I started going off on him every time he opened his mouth to complain, about what I was doing.
    Sometimes I would just look at him with so much disgust.  But sometimes his words were so heartfelt. Especially, when he told me how much he loved me.  There were way too many conversations like that towards the end.  That’s when I knew that I would have to end this. Although, he was a man with good intentions towards I didn’t want him. 
    So I kept the brick wall up.  Only removing some bricks, when I felt the need to have sex. I refused to take my wall all the way down for him.  More time passed and then the day came…. when I was seen. Four months later. I made my debut as my lover’s neighbor! Nobody was ready for the scene that was about to be made.
    I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was going to the store with my roommate.  As soon as I stepped foot off the porch I saw him. I was so scared I backed up. My roommate turned to me “Girl, come on…he’s nobody.”  So I followed her lead to the car. He was in his backyard with his skinny bitch. Since he was so tall he saw me over the fence. I never saw my lover move so fast.  He started coming towards me, but stopped in the middle of the street.  She was tugging at the back of his shirt.
    I stood tall, and with confidence.  While he ranted and yelled at me from his side of the street, I just smiled. He was accusing me of breaking into his house.  I smirked and shrugged.  Whatever else he said, my heart beat, drowned it out. I was winning and my lover would soon be back where he belonged. With me.
    I got into my roommates car, let the seat back and smiled.  I was content. I was ready to begin taking back what was mine.  To be madly in love is a gift and a curse. I was madly in love.  I was deep in love.  The voice of reason was long gone.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 12
    LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, LIKE YOU LOVE THYSELF
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    My every waking thought revolved around being with him. I was definitely a young woman with insecurity issues. I needed reassurance and nurturing.  But I had no idea how or where to receive any of that. These problems were my own.  But, I thought love could fix them.
    I was as transparent as I could be regarding my lover and his roommate.  I don’t know if that transparency hurt me or helped me. Sometimes too much transparency can hurt you.  Only, because other people don’t know how to respond to that…or they use it against you.
    I slept like a baby that