Free Shalia's Diary by Tracy St. John Page B

touch makes me eager to be mounted by one of their men?
     
    Somehow I can’t see Dr. Nayun doing such a thing.  He treats me like I’m his daughter, and I have no carnal urges where he is concerned, nor any of the orderlies roaming around Medical.  So what is it about Dusa?  I’ve never wanted sex before.  It’s always been something to get through, to endure, to survive.  Still, my body is clamoring for more than just a kiss.  I want to feel Dusa’s naked body on mine.  I’m dying to feel his mouth and hands all over me.  I even want to feel him inside of me, rutting hard and fast, giving me that funny, ticklish, hot feeling again. 
     
    I really have gone crazy.  There is no other explanation.
     
     
    September 10
     
    Ah crap, who am I kidding?  I have a huge crush on a Kalquorian.  Not that I’m going to be shouting it from the rooftops, you understand.  I like being alive.
     
    But Dusa is such a sweetheart.  When I sent him away yesterday, he checked on my mom.  She was in a funk because she was about to run out of yarn for knitting.  She sat in the rec room crying because, as she put it, “Shalia’s ears will be cold if I don’t make her a hat for this winter.”
     
    Please note, I have never worn a hat.  Of any kind.  Ever.  Even while living in Washington, D.C.
     
    And to boot, she only wanted one particular kind of yarn, a specific brand none of the nearby pillaged stores have left lying on their shelves in this podunk area.  Not that looters were snagging balls of yarn in their frenzy to entertain abandoned cats.  No, I have to assume that particular brand just never made it to this town.
     
    So what did Dusa do yesterday?  He spent his off hours shuttling from town to town, combing arts and crafts stores for frickin’ yarn, of all things.  He finally found the very brand three hours away in Augusta.  He grabbed every last skein in every single color he could find, too. 
     
    After his visit this evening (sitting with me and Mom in my hospital room, eating a dinner of – you guessed it, ronka, mashed potatoes, and pilchok), Mom has close to a hundred skeins of yarn, enough to put all of Earth’s survivors and the Empire of Kalquor in knitted caps for years.  She's like a kid in a candy store, going through bag after bag of yarn, exclaiming and smiling and planning afghans and shawls and christening gowns.  I don’t know if I should hug Dusa or throttle him.
     
    That he would go to such lengths to make an ill elderly woman happy goes a long way with me though.  I mean, I was already half-crazy over him after our little tryst in the garden.  Now I’m like a pre-teen panting over a movie star.  It’s stupid, but there it is.  I have a bad case of infatuation with a guy not even the same species as me.  Some would call that sick and maybe it is, but I can’t seem to talk myself out of it.
     
    So when Dusa asked me to have dinner with him and his Nobek clanmate tomorrow night, I said yes.  I barely even thought twice about it.  Nayun, who stopped in during the visit, gave me the okay as long as I don’t get overtired.  Then he drilled Dusa on how carefully I am to be treated.  Sheesh.  I almost asked my Kalquorian dad if I could have the keys to the family shuttle and to extend my curfew by an hour.  He’s such an overprotective Imdiko.
     
    Now I’m nervous as hell.  What did Dusa tell his clanmate about me?  Did he share how we got a little too up close and personal yesterday?  Will Dusa expect more kissing ... or even sex?  Of course he promised Nayun I’d be treated with the utmost care and respect.  But will he stick to that?
     
    I get myself into the darnedest predicaments.  This time it’s all because I liked the way Dusa kissed me and how nice he is to my mom.  What kind of craziness is this?  I am such an idiot.
     
     
    September 11
     
    Oh boy, oh boy, boy oh.  I am so darned nervous.  My ‘dates’ are picking me up in a few