Free Floods 3 by Colin Thompson

…?’ Cliché began, hoping the Hearse Whisperer knew where they were supposed to be going.
    â€˜Yes, absolutely.’
    â€˜To see the umm, the err …’ said Ooze.
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜Excellent,’ said Stain. ‘We’ll follow you.’
    â€˜No, no, you lead the way,’ said the Hearse Whisperer.
    â€˜Wouldn’t dream of it,’ said Cliché.
    â€˜Ladies first,’ said Ooze.
    â€˜You don’t know where you’re going, do you?’
    â€˜Well, umm, err, no.’
    â€˜To find the Sheman?’ prompted the Hearse Whisperer.
    â€˜We knew that,’ said Ooze.
    â€˜Yes, we just wanted to make sure you really were on our side,’ Stain added.
    â€˜Yeah right,’ said the Hearse Whisperer. ‘Come on, let’s go then.’
    When they reached the caves, it was obvious which one was the Sheman’s as there was laundry hanging up to dry outside and a recycling bin with a takeaway lentil container and a pair of organic socks in it. It didn’t take them long to realise the Sheman was not there.
    â€˜She’s escaped!’ the Hearse Whisperer wheezed, setting fire to the Sheman’s cave in frustration.
    Stain got down on all fours and began to sniff the ground.
    â€˜This way,’ he said, heading towards thecave that led to the Sanctuary Trail. They slid and tumbled down the icy mountain path until they reached the stable where Valla had been born.
    â€˜I smell new life,’ said Stain sticking his head in the manger. ‘Baby boy, no more than a few hours old.’
    The Hearse Whisperer vented her anger by setting the manger alight. She did this a few seconds before Stain pulled his head out of the straw. The spy screamed and fell on the floor clutching his left ear. A strong smell of fried bacon filled the air.
    â€˜Excellent,’ said the Hearse Whisperer. ‘A child will slow them down. We’ll rest here for the night and set off at dawn. We will have them in chains before lunchtime.’

Once out of the mountains, the refugees made better progress. Using ancient Buddhist Mountain Running And Leaping Skills which Vessel had learnt at his mother’s knee, 31 they managed to cover huge distances in mere minutes so that by late afternoon they were having tea and cakes in Shangri-La, and by evening they had reached the Chinese border. Of course, once they crossed into China, the mystical running and leaping skillsstopped working and they were forced to travel on foot. Nevertheless, they reached the Great Wall of China Inn and Noodle Takeaway Number Seventy-Three by nightfall, just in time for a delicious meal before the kitchen closed.
    Their pursuers had to make do with bicycles and a faulty broomstick that kept flying backwards. This meant that when they finally reached the Inn, it was after midnight and they were forced to eat what they could scavenge out of the dustbins.
    â€˜The Princess has been chewing this,’ said Stain, sticking a chicken bone up his nose and inhaling deeply.
    â€˜So what’s the plan?’ said Cliché. ‘Grab her and kill the rest of them?’
    â€˜It’s not that simple,’ said the Hearse Whisperer. ‘They have very strong magic. We need to catch them off-guard.’
    â€˜They’re asleep,’ said Ooze. ‘How much more off-guard can they get?’
    â€˜We’re not all asleep,’ said a gloomy voice from the shadows.
    â€˜Some vatch up on you from below outside in,’ said another voice from the roof.
    â€˜It’s just the stupid donkey and the servant’s crazy bird,’ whispered Stain.
    â€˜Stupid, maybe,’ said George, ‘but with hearing sharper than a pin and kung-fu hooves.’
    The four spies agreed to wait for an unguarded moment when they would be able to strike.
    Parsnip flew through his master’s bedroom window and tapped him on the head.
    â€˜Four pies, master, flee now must go