Free Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal! by Dan Gutman Page B

off.”
    â€œDolls don’t fight,” Andrea said.
    â€œStriker Smith does,” I said.
    â€œI thought you said he wasn’t a doll, Arlo.”
    Why can’t a bus filled with spelling flash cards fall on Andrea’s head?

3
My Head Almost Exploded
    â€œBingle boo! Limpus kidoodle,” said Mrs. Kormel.
    Andrea’s equally annoying crybaby friend Emily got on the bus in front of her house. She sat down next to Andrea, and they studied Andrea’s dumb flash cards together.
    â€œIs everybody here?” asked Mrs. Kormel after she picked up a few more kids.
    â€œYes,” we all said.
    â€œIf you’re not here, raise your hand.”
    I knew that was a trick question, because if somebody wasn’t there we wouldn’t be able to see if their hand was up. But just to be on the safe side, I got up in my seat to see if anybody who wasn’t there had their hand up.
    â€œLimpus kidoodle, A.J.,” said Mrs. Kormel.
    In case you don’t remember, that means “sit down.” Mrs. Kormel doesn’t like it when we get out of our seats.
    â€œNo standing on the seats,” said Mrs. Kormel.

    â€œCan I kneel on my seat?” I asked.
    â€œYou can only kneel on your seat if your name is Neil. Anyone named Neil may kneel.”
    â€œCan I stand if my name is Stan?” asked Ryan.
    â€œOkay,” said Mrs. Kormel. “If your nameis Stan, you can stand.”
    â€œI can’t stand sitting down,” Michael said.
    â€œNobody can stand sitting down,” Ryan said. “If you’re sitting down, you’re not standing.”
    â€œCan you crouch if your name is Crouch?” I asked.
    â€œThere’s nobody named Crouch!” Andrea told me. She thinks she knows everything.
    â€œOh yeah?” I said. “What about that guy on Sesame Street named Oscar the Crouch?”
    â€œThat’s Oscar the Grouch , dumbhead!” Andrea said.
    I knew that.
    â€œNow that we’re all here, how about singing a song to make the ride go quicker?” suggested Mrs. Kormel.
    â€œLet’s sing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’!” said Andrea. “I love that song.”
    â€œI hate that song,” I said. “Can we sing ‘Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall’?”
    Mrs. Kormel said we couldn’t sing about beer because kids aren’t allowed to drink beer. I wouldn’t want to drink beer even if I was allowed to. My dad gave me a sip of his beer once. I thought I was gonna throw up. Mrs. Kormel said we could sing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop on the Wall” if we wanted to.
    The girls started singing “The Wheelson the Bus.” The boys started singing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop on the Wall.” Me and Michael and Ryan tried to sing louder than all the girls. Andrea and Emily tried to sing louder than all the boys. It was really loud in there.
    Soon everybody on the bus was screaming, and kids were bouncing around like Mexican jumping beans. I covered my ears so my head wouldn’t explode.
    Something about being on a school bus makes you want to go crazy. Maybe it’s all that yellow.
    I’ll bet Mrs. Kormel was sorry she told us to sing. Suddenly she blew her whistle really loud.
    â€œZingy zip!” she yelled.

    That’s her way of saying “quiet down” in her secret language. Everybody stopped singing.
    â€œShhhhh, my cell phone is ringing,” said Mrs. Kormel. “It’s Mr. Klutz.”
    Mr. Klutz is our principal. He is like the king of the school. He’s bald, too. One time he kissed a pig. This other time he got stuck on the top of the flagpole. Another time he was climbing the school, and the custodian had to rescue him by sticking one of those toilet plungers on his head. We saw it live and in person. Mr. Klutz is nuts!
    â€œWhat does Mr. Klutz want?” somebody yelled.
    Mrs. Kormel finished talking to Mr. Klutz and turned around to