Free Diary of an Assistant Mistress by Teri Power Page A

less charming moods. Peter on her right hand, imagining he was at a court-martial; Simon on her left, looking, for some inexplicable reason, like an ineffectual wanker who shouldn't be let within half a mile of a class of children.
    In between Olive's fumes, Peter's drones and Simon's whimpering, I happened to notice some graffiti on the desk in front of me: "Forget the pain, forget the passion, Get down and do it doggy-fashion." This caused me to giggle, which did not go down at all well with the powers that be.
    The final result of the meeting is that there will be another meeting tomorrow at which we will have the hapless regional NUT official back for a grilling.
    And we were trying to save ourselves work!
    FRIDAY 16th APRIL
    The regional official had a case of diplomatic earache so we ended up postponing the meeting but the general feeling of the ranks is that there will be no surrender.
    The local press have got hold of the story and today's headline was "A TICKING OFF FOR SIR."
    SATURDAY 16th APRIL
    Took home a portable computer for the weekend. The Z88 is very cheap and unreliable but I understand that they are used by the Royal Marines, though I don't know what they use them for.
    This one is dead. Even when I unbent a paperclip and shoved it in the appropriate orifice (in the computer) it had no effect.
    Sunday 17th April
    The Z88 has come back to life. From what I can tell, we could complete all the required elements of the RSA course with this machine. The only trouble with having anything portable in school is that it tends to get ported.
    The battery is already running low however, which suggests that I am going to need a power supply for every Z88, which rather removes the advantage of portability because I can't use it in an average classroom with its one plug socket.
    I fiddled with the Pipedream program while James was drooling his way through a video pipedream of his own involving a blonde, a negress and a man in a mask. When the final credits rolled, telling us who the wardrobe mistress was (a rather underworked individual by the looks of things) I coyly informed James that he really should have consulted his calendar. And so to bed.
    I was kept awake by the sound of grinding teeth for a bit - at least I assume that was what it was.
    Monday 18th April
    We shall not be moved. Torquemada's register was joined by a few others in the bin, including Clair's, but not one NUT member has crossed the psychological picket line.
    I asked Torquemada what the Bible said about strikebreaking. He said he wasn't aware there was a strike.
    The regional official announced that the NUT was advising us not to take this action. If he expected us all to cave in, he was in for a disappointment. Oz got as hot under the collar as a retired SDP member can reasonably get and he had a lot of support.
    I had a brief chat with George. He thinks that our failure standard is about forty. If forty members of staff cave in we will have a job holding the line. He does not want to tell anyone this.
    Tuesday 19th April
    Naturally Olive made the most of the invertebrate character of the NUT leadership and this morning we had a note in our pigeon holes saying that we would be suspended from duty unless we completed the registers in the prescribed fashion by Friday of this week and that the NUT would not support us.
    Wednesday 20th April
    Thirteen registers in the bin this morning.
    Thursday 21st April
    Fifteen registers in the bin this morning.
    Friday 22nd April
    Twenty registers in the bin this morning. We have won! At a meeting after work, the hierarchy again assembled in solemn conclave and anathematised 80 percent of the staff. They then praised the twenty who had filled in the registers properly and informed them that they would now have to fill in their registers all over again because we were reverting to the previous method.
    Saturday 23rd April
    Snow. In April. It reminds me of an Evening Standard headline: "Flaming June - It's