Free Master of My Mind BN by Jenna Jacob Page B

carry on, even though
     I was scared senseless.
    “Please, Tony. Don’t make me beg; just unlock the door.”
    “Christ, Leagh . Do you always have
     to be so goddamn stubborn?”
    “Yes. If I’m going to survive this, stubborn is the only way
     I’ll make it through,” I whispered.
    With a heavy sigh, Tony swung the door open.

CHAPTER
     FOUR
     
    The spicy scent of George’s cologne as it wafted from the
     room was a kick in the gut. Swallowing back a cry, I fingered the switch on the
     wall and flipped on the lights. Nothing prepared me for the barrage of memories
     that inundated me. Safety, comfort—hollow. Laughter,
     love—empty. Yearning, need—anguish.
    Tony clasped my shoulder and gave a tender squeeze. “I’m
     here if you need me.”
    Without looking back, I nodded stepped through the door, and
     closed it behind me. Two steps into the room I closed my eyes and inhaled a
     deep breath. Sandalwood and spice filled my senses. In the silence of the room,
     I felt my heart reach out to George, craving to give him my surrender, one last
     time. The harsh reality that he’d never again fulfill my submission was a tight
     fist, gripping my heart.
    Stripping away my wet clothes where I stood, I decided to
     forego the shower and crawled onto the bed, snuggling down beneath the clean
     sheets. The blanket still held his scent and I gathered it to my face,
     breathing him in as bittersweet memories crowded my mind.
    “I miss you so much, Master. I’ve been numb since you left
     me. I’m sorry for letting Tony touch me, but for the first time since you left
     me, I felt alive. It felt like I’d finally taken a breath again, but I’m so
     sorry.” Tears dampened the blanket. “My whole world has been yanked out from
     beneath me. Why did you have to die? I miss you so much.”
    Sobs cracked my voice as I curled into a tight ball and
     savored his fragrance.
    “I’m so lost without you. I don’t know what to do. I’d give
     anything to spend one more day with you, surrounded by you, wrapped in your
     arms. Please. Help me find a way to go on without you.”
    More pain bubbled to the surface as memories bombarded me. I
     was helpless to do anything but let the crushing grief consume me.
    “Nothing’s ever going to be the same,” I sobbed. “I need to
     touch you, hold you, feel your calming caress. I’m so
     fucking scared, George. All those times you whispered in my ear, telling me it
     was going to be alright… it’s never going to be alright, again. Is it? Who is
     going to hold me when the nightmares come? Who is going to talk me off the
     ledge when the fears swallow me up? I can’t do this without you. I don’t know
     how to go on, George. I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do.” Screaming the
     words, my throat burned, and my head pounded.
    “Oh, god, George! I can’t survive
     this. It hurts too much. Why did you have to go?”
    I remained coiled in the covers for hours, pleading with him
     to find a way back to me—to ease my grief—my agony—my fears. Even after my
     tears refused to fall, sobs scraped the back of my throat. Exhausted and
     fragmented, I hugged his pillow to my chest. Closing my eyes, I prayed that
     sleep would save me from the agony that pumped through my veins.
    Slumber evaded and eventually my keening cries subsided. A
     strange noise emanating from the bookcase, against the wall near the door,
     captured my attention. I felt my brows frown as I strained, listening to the
     soft buzz.
    My guts seized. So swamped with grief, I’d failed to
     remember the hidden cameras and microphones fitted in the private rooms. I was
     being observed. Since no one else was in the club except for Tony and me, I
     knew he’d watched me fall apart.
    Anger spiked as I envisioned him in Mika’s office, leaning
     forward in the soft leather chair, staring into the monitor with a notepad and
     pen in hand, frantically scribbling down every word of my insane pleas to