Free Graduates in Wonderland by Jessica Pan Page A

tears.
    â€œYou’re abandoning me. We came here together, we spend all of our time together, and you’re abandoning me. You’re my family, and you’re abandoning me.”
    I felt like a terrible person, but she and I can’t keep going around in circles like this. I tried to explain how I needed to focus on my life and that when she and I are together, entire days go by where we don’t leave the couch or we just sit in a café and talk all day. I didn’t come to China to spend my days with Astrid, but I didn’t know how to say this. Finally, I explained another point that has been on my mind lately: Eventually, one of us will get a boyfriend who would probably spend most nights at our place, and neither of us wants to live with the other one’s boyfriend. When I said that, something seemed to click. She got it.
    The name Maxwell was not mentioned once.
    Anyway. I’ve already found a new roommate and place to live.
    Before I even told Astrid I was moving out, I responded to an online ad from a twenty-­one-­year-­old guy from New Zealand named Chris, and no, I’m not attracted to him because he has huge muscles and blond hair. He has a beach house in New Zealand that his twin brother is currently living in. I’m not going to lie; half the reason I wanted to live with him is because I was imagining myself at this beach house.
    I asked him if he’s the type of guy to sleep with a different Chinese girl every night and Chris said, “No. Sometimes the same one.” Yeah, I asked this during the roommate interview, and I still got accepted.
    He seems friendly and fun, and he said he wants a roommate to actually be his friend. He laughed a lot. However, the place reeks of boy. It’s covered in popcorn and beer...but it would be nice to have someone to visit in New Zealand?
    I move in two days!
    After our first meeting, Chris invited me out to have a beer at a bar downstairs. I don’t entirely understand his accent. At times, it was harder to understand his English than to interpret Mandarin with locals. He had to repeat himself three or four times before I got what he was saying.
    From what I can tell, Chris says cunt a lot. But he says it in his accent, so it’s not as jarring as it would be in ours. “He’s such a stupid cunt.” The first few times, I didn’t even notice it because I thought he was saying, “He’s such a stupid cat,” or “He’s such a stupid cad.” I found myself laughing or agreeing before I realized what he was saying. And then I thought, am I encouraging the usage of cunt ? He only refers to males as cunts, which is even more confusing. I never call girls dicks. He’s definitely brasher than I’m used to.
    I have never had someone call me soft before, but Chris does all the time. As in, “You don’t like looking at my scars? Or talking about cunts? You’re fawking [NZ accent] soft.” I’m also cheeky. Cheeky and soft. Which sounds like really nice toilet paper.
    The lease expires when Chris goes back to New Zealand in a few months, so it’s not long-­term, but it was available immediately. I hope this is a good idea.
    Love,
    Jess
    P.S. Why do you read O magazine? Are you looking for advice on how to get your twenty-­two-­year-­old son to move out of your house? You wear colorful knitted sweaters and you drink hot water in the morning because it’s cleansing and you make time for yourself, because you deserve it? That’s okay. Just tell me what Oprah would tell me to do.
    DECEMBER 22
    Jess to Rachel
    drunky drunk drink
    my new kiwi flatemaste came hone and he smoked on my winsow sill. it was actually nice. then he climbed in my bed. but i kicked him out. no worries.
    danced like crazzy at a chinese club.
    miss you