technicality, at least to Bull. Also, as a child, Becca had watched her father fly from kind to cruel faster than a sports car going from zero to sixty. Sheâd never grown used to this behavior, and when she saw it happening with Benâlethargy running to rage and back again, not to mention the drinkingâshe didnât want to believe it. Ben had promised herâsworn to herâthat he would never, ever turn into King.
âWhat if I donât know you when you come back?â sheâd asked on the morning of his deployment. But Ben reminded her that this was his second tour. âIâve done this once already. And I came back fine,â he said, pulling her close. âFine enough for you to fall in love with me.â
But heâd been wrong. After the second tour, he wasnât fine. The wedding had been the eye of an emotional storm. The days on either end of the event were beautiful and brilliant. But afterward, especially, things turned bad. Ben had gotten drunk and crashed his truck; heâd destroyed his fatherâs fiddle. Heâd broken everything.
âEverybody judges us,â Bull said, dragging Becca away from her own misfortune and into the glare of his own. âAnd the kids your age are the worst. Everybodyâs entitled. Nobody appreciates what theyâre given.â
âNot me.â
Bull chuckled. âRight. Youâre different.â
âI am, actually,â she said. âNobody else in my family went to college. I worked hard for that. I know nothingâll be handed to me on a platter.â
âLast night, King said youâd gotten into one of those fancy schools up northâthey gave you some money to boot. But you didnât go.â
She wasnât sure why sheâd confessed this to King; it had kind of just spilled out one day. Heâd seemed a little disappointed in her decision, though she couldnât imagine why.
âWhatâs that got to do with entitlement?â
âNot that part, Rebecca. The appreciating-opportunities part.â
âIt made more sense to stay close to home,â she said.
âYou want to appreciate the freedom I fought for? The freedom your daddy fought for? Then donât be afraid to confront your fears. The CO taught me that. Too bad you canât meet him. You could learn a lot.â
âYou donât know me, Bull, so Iâd appreciate you not judging my decisions.â
âCollege girl thinks she knows so much.â And then, as though the whole conversation had never happened: âItâs grub time.â Bull downed the rest of his Bud Light and licked his lips.
9
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L ATER THAT DAY , while the men were in town, Becca used the cabinâs landline to call her boss and ask for time off, pleading a family emergency. If she was going to stay at the cabin for a while, sheâd have to find an Internet-connected computer in town, and no way the local library was going to have the necessary design programs. Now she sat in the kitchen and explained the situation to her aunt, but Kath abruptly veered off topic. âWhyâd you really come here, honey?â she asked, pointing her mixing spoon at her niece.
âJust postwedding stress,â Becca said, avoiding her auntâs eyes.
âWhatâs that phrase your mother uses? âToo blessed to be stressed.ââ
Becca thought about her mother at the Hands of God Church out in Colorado. There, a group of Christian faithful tended an organic garden and knit socks for orphans. And prayed, obviously. Jeanine probably had to feed her smoking habit on the sly, sneaking cigarettes behind the quinoa patch.
Kath continued. âThe stress is supposed to come before the wedding, honey, not after.â
âBenâs been touchy since he came back. King says he just needs some time.â Becca knew full well that if she was leaving Ben for goodâdivorce leavingâthen eventually