Free The Rosy Crucifixion 3 - Nexus by Henry Miller

good a friend, aren’t I, Mister Miller? But don’t try to throw me out for doing you a good turn.
    Stasia was standing there stark naked, her pants slung over her arm. Finally she became self-conscious and started slipping into her trousers. In doing so she slipped and fell. Mona immediately rushed to her aid, only to be vigorously pushed aside.
    Leave me alone! cried Stasia. I can help myself. I’m not a child. So saying, she picked herself up. She stood upright a moment, then bending her head forward, she looked at herself, at the very center of her anatomy. With that she burst into a laugh, a demented sort of laugh.
    So I’m normal, she said, laughing still harder. What a joke! Normal, because there’s a hole here big enough to stick something into. Here, give me a candle! I’ll show you how normal I am.
    With this she began making the most obscene gestures, contorting her pelvis, writhing as if in the throes of an orgasm.
    A candle! she screamed. Get a big, fat black one! I’ll show you how normal I am!
    Please, Stasia, stop it, I beg you! cried Mona.
    Yes, cut it! said Kronski sternly. You don’t need to give us an exhibition.
    The word exhibition seemed only to incense her more.
    This is my exhibition, she screamed. And it’s gratis this time. Usually I get paid for making an ass of myself, don’t I? She turned on Mona. Don’t I? she hissed. Or haven’t you told them how we raise the rent money?
    Please, Stasia, please! begged Mona. She had tears in her eyes.
    But nothing could halt Stasia now. Grabbing a candle from the bureau top, she stuck it up her crotch, and as she did so she rolled her pelvis frantically.
    Isn’t that worth fifty dollars? she cried. What’s his name would pay even more, but then I would have to let him suck me off, and I don’t like being sucked off. Not by a pervert, any way.
    Stop it! Stop it, or I’ll run away! From Mona.
    She quieted down. The candle fell to the floor. A new expression now came over her countenance. As she slipped into her blouse she said very quietly, addressing her words to me:
    You see, Val, if any one must be injured or humiliated, it’s me, not your dear wife. I have no moral sense. I have only love. If money is needed, I’m always ready to put on an act. Since I’m crazy, it doesn’t matter. She paused, then turned to the dresser in the other corner of the room. Opening a drawer, she pulled out an envelope. See this? she said, waving the envelope in the air. There’s a check in this sent by my guardians. Enough to pay next month’s rent. But—and she calmly proceeded to tear the envelope to bits—we don’t want that kind of money, do we? We know how to make our own way … giving exhibitions … pretending that we’re Lesbians., pretending that we’re make-believe Lesbians. Pretending, pretending … I’m sick of it. Why don’t we pretend that we’re just human beings?
    It was Kronski who now spoke up.
    Of course you’re a human being, and a most unusual one. Somewhere along the line you got bitched up—how, I don’t know. What’s more, I don’t want to know. If I thought you would listen to me I’d urge you to get out of here, leave these two. He threw a contemptuous look at Mona and myself. Yes, leave them to solve their own problems. They don’t need you, and you certainly don’t need them. You don’t belong in a place like New York. Frankly, you don’t fit anywhere … But what I want to say is this … I came here as a friend. You need a friend. As for these two, they don’t know the meaning of the word. Of the three you’re probably the healthiest. And you have genius as well…
    I thought he would continue indefinitely. Suddenly, however, he recalled aloud that he had an urgent visit to make and made an abrupt departure.
    Later that evening—they had decided not to go out—a curious thing happened. It was just after dinner, in the midst of a pleasant conversation. The cigarettes had given out, and Mona had asked me to