Free Beloved Wolf by Kasey Michaels Page B

girl. Perhaps more than one. Children. So many children. Perhaps I worked as a teacher or in a nursery school? Why do I feel there are so many children who need me?”
    â€œOvercompensation,” Dr. Wilkes said quietly. “Longing for the infant Mayfair stole from you, all the unborn children he took from your future. You would have made a wonderful mother, Louise, and you fill your empty arms with dreams of those children you never held, will never hold.”
    â€œAnd the man? I dream of a man, Dr. Wilkes. A man who comes to me in this beautiful garden. I’m on my hands and knees, digging in the rich earth, listening to the sound of a fountain in the near distance. Warm sun on my head, the calming tinkle of falling water, the smell of saltwater in the breeze. I hear him approach, turn to see him, shielding my eyes against the glare of the sun. He’s there. Tall, strong. But the sun obscures his face. I don’t recognize him, and he turns away. I call after him. ‘Wait,’ I call to him. ‘Please wait!’”
    She pressed a hand to her mouth for a few moments, as if holding back a scream. “And then I wake up. The garden is gone, the man is gone, and all I hear is the pounding of my own heart. My broken, empty heart.”
    Dr. Wilkes got up, poured a glass of water for each of them and handed one to Louise. “Hypnosis, Louise. I know you don’t want it, have fought it for years, but we’re running out of options here, my dear. I wantto see who else lives inside you. Because you’re not in there alone, Louise. You know it, and I know it. You’ve changed your name, but you’re still Patricia Portman. You have to find out who Patricia Portman was before you can truly close that door and let Louise get on with her life. You’ve changed your name, you’ve locked away another personality, perhaps more than one.”
    Louise refused the glass, got up, and began pacing once more. “I can’t believe that. I can’t believe I’m some Sybil, hiding multiple personalities inside my head, letting one out at a time, becoming someone else. Someone evil.”
    â€œYou say you didn’t kill Ellis Mayfair, Louise. That you couldn’t have done such a thing. And yet the prison record that traveled here with you from St. James Clinic clearly shows that it was your fingerprints that were on the pieces of broken lamp you used to knock him unconscious. Your fingerprints were on the scissors stuck in his chest. His blood was on your hands when the police found you.”
    â€œNo. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.”
    â€œThen who was it, Louise? Who else is inside your head? Who did this to you—got you locked up, had you committed to a mental institution, not once, but twice. Where did you disappear to after your first move to Jackson? How did you end up back in California, back at St. James? Fill in the blanks for me, Louise. Tell me what you know.”
    Louise subsided into the chair once more. “I don’t know anything. I’m what you tell me, what the prison and St. James records tell me. And if there’s anotherme inside my head—a horrible person, a murderer—I can’t let her out again. I’ve accepted my past as much as I can, even as I don’t remember it. But I can’t let that other person, that evil me, be a part of my future. So, no, Dr. Wilkes. I’m sorry, but no. No hypnosis. No regression.”
    â€œAnd no answers,” Dr. Wilkes said, sighing. “These nightmares, Louise, these headaches that bring you to your knees. They’re not going away. They’re becoming more frequent, more intense. Surely you see that something has to be done? Drastic measures yes, but in a controlled environment. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Louise. Haven’t we come far enough for you to trust me?”
    Louise looked up at the psychologist, her doctor, her friend. “Why