Free The Gate to Women's Country by Sheri S. Tepper Page B

when you’re young. And youthink you know what it was that happened, but you really don’t. Then later, sometimes years later, you suddenly understand what was really going on. And you feel such a fool because it’s too late to do anything about the mistakes you made. I keep thinking of examples. Like the day Beneda and I were on the wall, and Chernon came up on the armory roof to see us. I was so excited. I thought he liked me. It seemed so casual, so fortuitous. I hadn’t any idea what was really happening.”
    He put his hand over hers. “Do you want me to come home with you?”
    â€œNo. I’ll just cry, and I don’t need anyone to help me do that.”
    â€œYou’re sure? Just for company?”
    â€œI’m sure. Go help Corrig. He’s teaching a class in the mysteries. At breakfast yesterday he said he needed you to keep up with things. I’ll be better by suppertime.” She kissed him and left him in the shop, still polishing the plate the sausages had been on, staring after her with a reflection of her own pain.
    At home in the quiet of her own room she lay on her bed, propped on pillows, the book facedown on her lap. She didn’t need to read it. She remembered it.

    A NDROMACHE If it is not as poets say it was, why did they kill you, maiden?
    I PHIGENIA
(Sighing with impatience)
    Upon the shore the hosts of Hellas stood, ranked by their thousands near their bird-winged ships, come full of martial fervor to the aid of Menelaus whose wife was raped away.
    A NDROMACHE So much we know. Helen was here. We did not want her, but she was here.
    I PHIGENIA Don’t interrupt. If I lose the rhythm, I forget what I’m saying. Upon the shore, etc., etc., whose wife was raped away. Ah, let’s see—They stayed in Aulis where contending winds gave them no passage forth to Ilium and waiting, felt their blood begin to cool.
    Some spoke of Helen as a stolen cow, unwilling to risk lives for such a cow.
    Some thought of harvests waiting them at home.Some thought of wives and babes, though but a few.
    Until at last the host was discontent, no longer single-mindedly intent upon the course of warlike righteousness. Yet still, each man was shamed he should appear a laggard ’fore his peers. So some of them conspiring to the benefit of all, gave Calchas minted gold to act as seer and prophesy that there would be no wind to bear them forth to topless Ilium until the hour my father kept a vow he’d made long since—a vow to kill his child, as sacrifice to maiden Artemis.
    H ECUBA
(Horrified)
Which he would never do!
    A NDROMACHE No father would do that!
    I PHIGENIA Well, so they thought. They thought that Agamemnon would refuse, then they could all go home.
    H ECUBA Surely he offered other sacrifice.
    I PHIGENIA Which did not suit their purposes at all.
    H ECUBA And when they would not take a substitute….
    I PHIGENIA He sent Odysseus, full of trickery, to bid my mother bring me to be wed—to Achilles, if you can believe that—then gave me to the priests, who cut my throat.
    H ECUBA And none of what the poets say is true?
    I PHIGENIA Oh, Hecuba, Hecuba! You’re a woman! Can a woman believe such nonsense? Think! I was a maiden girl! Scarce more than a child! My head was full of new gowns and festivals and wondering whether I should ever have a lover or not. The words the poets poured into my mouth were the prideful boasts of Argive battalions! They say I offered to die for Hellas! What did I know of Hellas?!
    H ECUBA It’s true. When I was thirteen, I wouldn’t have died for Troy.
    A CHILLES
(Irritably scratching his crotch)
I don’t understand why they said all those things if they weren’t true. I thought you were my betrothed whom I defended.
    I PHIGENIA My father used me as he would a slave or a sheep from his flock. I think that many fathers do the same. Then, having done, he claimed I’d wanted it.Perhaps it made him