Free Outcasts by Vonda N. McIntyre

“
    “I won’t kill him,” he said. “I won’t...
let me go — “ He looked down and realized he was gripping Kylis’
arm. “Oh, gods.” He let her go and turned and walked into the
forest.
    Rubbing the bruise he had left, Kylis slowly looked behind
her. What Jason had seen was the Lizard watching them from the gateway of the
guards’ enclosure. He did not move. Kylis ran.
    The thick band of multicolored stars, shining through breaks
in the clouds, lighted the way only where the ferns did not close in overhead.
Kylis stumbled through the darkness, not even slowing for pools of rainwater.
Her legs ached from fighting the suction of wet clay. Suddenly her shoulder
rammed a rough stalk and her momentum spun her, flinging her against another.
She stopped, gasping for breath, the air burning her throat.
    Kylis straightened and looked around, getting her bearings.
The stars glittered like sparks in the surface of standing water. She walked
more carefully among the ferns. Her footsteps spread ripples out around her and
the water sloshed gently from her boots. Only when she reached the shelter of
dead ferns did she realize how silly and unnecessary it had been for her to be
careful not to fall.
    Inside the cool nest she lay down and composed herself. When
she finally caught her breath, she began breathing slowly and regularly,
counting her heartbeats. Gradually she extended the number of beats for each
inhalation, for each exhalation, then she slowed her heart as well. She thought
about Gryf, dying deliberately rather than giving his life to those he hated.
And she thought about Jason, who would never kill even in vengeance. She was
certain of that. If she were gone, he at least would be safe.
    She felt the gasp reflex growing stronger and set her
perception of it aside. Her breathing had ceased now, and her heartbeat would
stop soon. Her thoughts slowed, her memory drifted to more pleasant times. She
found herself with Gryf again, kissing him, standing in the clean hot lake,
touched by spray from the overflow pipe. She smiled. A bright yellow star
glittered through a gap between the ferns. Kylis let her eyes close, shutting
out the last light.
    Insistent hands shook her. She was dimly aware of them and
of a voice calling her name. She concentrated more strongly on dying. A fist
pounded her chest and she gasped involuntarily. Someone leaned down and
breathed into her mouth, holding her chin up and her head back, forcing air
into her lungs. Her heart pounded. Pushing the person away, Kylis sat up
angrily and almost fainted.
    Miria caught her and made her lie down again. “Thank
gods, I found you. I could hear you but then you disappeared.”
    Kylis did not answer, but only blinked her eyes against the
light Miria carried. She tried to be angry at her, but it seemed too futile.
    “Kylis!” Miria’s voice rose in panic. “Are
you there? Can you hear me?”
    “Of course I’m here,” she said. She felt
dizzy. She wondered why Miria had asked such a silly question. “What do
you mean, am I here?”
    Miria relaxed and brightened her lantern. “I was
afraid I’d come too late.” She had a bad scar, pink and new, on her
forehead.
    “Get away from me. Why couldn’t you let us
alone?” Kylis knew she would not be able to try to kill herself again for
quite a while; she had used up too much strength.
    “Gryf’s all right,” Miria said.
    Kylis stared at her. “But I saw — How do you
know? You’re lying!”
    “He’s all right, Kylis. I know. Please trust me.”
    “Trust you! You told the Lizard about Gryf and Jason
and me! He never knew before how much he could hurt us! And now he’ll go
after Jason, too, so I’ll — “ She stopped.
    “The Lizard knew you were together, but I never told
him your plans. You honored me with a request to join your family. Do you think
your judgment of me was so wrong?”
    Kylis sighed. “It wasn’t very good about the kid
who turned me in.” She had to rest and breathe a