whisper something to him. I imagine what it might feel like to have his breath on my ear. Then he starts laughing. I stare at his hair, which is way past the regulation collar length, and remember the way he grinned at me yesterday. He doesn't look across for me this time.
Mum comes out of the office with her thumbs raised. âPiece of cake,â she says as she gets into the car. She turns around to me before she drives off. âThe lady said you can have as much time off as you need.â
I clamber over the gear stick to get into the front seat. I stick my feet up onto the dashboard and watch the city shoot past. Even though I know it's going to be hard to visit Dad, it still feels like I'm escaping. Without Saskia there, school's worse than ever. As Mum drives faster, my eyes follow the edges of the clouds. I imagine I'm a bird flying up there, keeping pace with the car. I'm looking for the whoopers really, trying to catch a glimpse of them so I can tell Dad.
CHAPTER 19
D ad looks a little better than yesterday. Somehow his skin is less grey. But he still looks so weak, as if he's a hundred years older than he was. I stand behind Mum. I don't know how loudly I should talk to Dad, maybe I shouldn't talk at all. It feels like if I was to shout at him he'd fade away completely. But I want to tell him about how I played football yesterday. Dad used to be an amazing football player, even better than Jack. I jiggle my legs as I remember how I raced down the wing and ran the ball into goal. Then I imagine that Crowy's there, watching me, and I'm lining up another goal, bringing my leg back to shoot, aiming and . . .
âOw!â
I blink. Mum's rubbing her shin. I've kicked her leg by mistake.
âWhat'd you do that for?â she asks, glaring at me.
I look across at Dad, who's staring at me too.
âI scored a goal yesterday,â I blurt out. âWhen Jack let me play.â
Dad looks so pleased then that his eyes almost seem to become brighter for a moment. I'm glad I've told him. But Mum folds her arms across her chest.
âDid you have to score it again on my leg?â she mutters.
I lean down and rub her shin. âSorry, got carried away.â
But Mum doesn't really mind. She pushes me to the head of Dad's bed so that I can talk to him more. I notice the way Dad's starting to smile. He's more with it today. He can finish sentences. Perhaps he is getting better after all. Perhaps they'll just do these tests then let him out in a day or two. I lean up closer to him, ready to tell him the news that I know will make him smile.
âYou were right when you said there was a lake behind the hospital,â I say. âAnd there's a swan on it too, maybe a whooper.â
Dad's eyes light up properly then, just as I'd imagined. âWhy didn't you say?â
âOnly saw it yesterday.â
âIs the rest of the flock there?â
I shake my head. âJust one.â
I walk over to the window. It's near Dad's bed, but it's probably too high up for him to see out of it properly. I look out for him instead. I only see the car park and the ring road and beyond that, fields.
âYour window's facing the wrong way,â I tell him. âYou needto go to one on the other side to see the swan.â
I glance at Mum but she's shaking her head. âNo chance, babe. Dad's got to stay here.â
âCan't we even take him in a wheelchair? Just for a look.â
âNope. He's too ill.â
I come back to Dad. His smile has fallen a little now.
âYou'll have to look for me,â he says in his thin, raspy voice. âKeep a watch for the others, too.â
I glance across at Mum, but she just rolls her eyes as if to say âyou know what he's likeâ. She reaches forward to grab Dad's hand.
âIf it will keep your spirits up,â she murmurs, obviously just trying to please him.
I swear Dad's cheeks are pinker now that he's interested in