Free Got It Going On by Stephanie Perry Moore

all have to pass to become initiated. However, no one had been bold enough to come up to me and ask what was going on. Sam had been kind enough to keep everything she knew confidential. But as I was not being that open, and as this was the time to connect, I had to face the big question. Would I open up and be vulnerable and really cut through the layers I’d held up for years? Or would I stay closed off?
    Seeing faces that cared and remembering them all around my bedside when I could not speak, I humbly uttered, “I don’t want you all to be mad. The truth is I don’t really know all the details about these crazy dreams I’ve been having. I had some kind of meltdown, and in some way it had to deal with my childhood not being the best. Some things happened, and it was traumatizing, and as much as I tried to push it aside and bury it and act like I didn’t go through what I went through, it affected me. The horrible past I refused to remember has just made me crazy. Thanks to your love and your kindness, I got through this rough time. And now I want to be a Beta more than ever. I always wanted to be one to serve the community. At first, the whole sisterhood part I could sort of do without, but now the oneness I feel with all of you is heartfelt. I’m really blessed to be a part of it. Thanks for pushing me through.”
    I wasn’t trying to make anybody cry or be sad or anything like that, but I turned around, and a few of them were weeping.
    Number five on the line—the shy girl who never said a word—said, “I know that y’all call me Lele, but my real name is Kelly Reese, and I’m from Mississippi. Like Cassidy, I had a traumatic experience when I was a kid. I witnessed my dad kill my mom. I’m an only child. I lost both my parents in one day. My dad went to prison, and my mom was dead. I never thought I’d have any family anymore. I didn’t know how to be sociable, and y’all have opened up your hearts to me, too, and it feels so good.”
    Isha stood up and said, “I’ve been alone most of my life ever since I accepted Jesus into my heart in the fifth grade. I have always been like a minister. I felt like I was supposed to proclaim his word, and that kept a lot of people away. I guess I thought a sorority would be different. It would give me some identity and unity. I mean, not that Christ wouldn’t give me identity enough, but you know what I’m saying.” We all nodded, understanding what she meant: she wanted to be cool. “I’ve watched this line go from being a bunch of pieces to being one complete unit in a matter of few weeks, and I knew heaven was on our side.”
    â€œBut, see, I guess that’s the thing,” Cheryl chimed in. “I’m tired of you always talking about heaven and pleasing God and stuff. Maybe you just come across so preachy. It just makes people not want to relate.”
    â€œBut I guess that’s the thing I love about the line now. We are all so different. Some of us are loud, some of us are quiet, some of us are preachy, and some of us are harsh,” Isha said, looking directly at Cheryl. “But just like me, you feel down and defeated sometimes. Yet despite our differences, we can come together as one unit. I think we are all making this line something dynamite. We’re each contributing as we lend our own personalities to the line. Yet that crazy, weird mix is making one strong whole.”
    â€œYou’re right,” Cheryl said as many of us nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry. Where would we be without your strong tie with the Lord?” She smiled, and we all smiled, too.
    We ended up talking about some of the problems we had early on and some of the problems other lines had that we’d heard about. We vowed to keep the communication open so we would be free to love and continue to build on our relationship. The oneness was something special.

    Later