Free Surrender by Rachel Ryan, Eve Cassidy

kiss on the tip of my nose.
    “You are a beautiful, strong man, Brody Cooper. And I am so lucky to have you in my life.”
    God damn this woman makes me feel so good with just a few words. Standing up I carry her toward my room, calling out to Jo to put our dinner in the fridge for later.
     
    Three days later I am on my bike on the way to a small coffee shop on the other side of L.A. My mother sounded happy when I called and agreed to see her, but as I cruise through downtown L.A I am already regretting my decision. I really don’t think I can forgive her for neglecting me for all of those years and especially for neglecting and killing her baby. She made the choice all those years ago to be a bad parent and choose drugs over her children. Sammy paid the price and deep down, I know I am still paying for their choices. I was messed up for so long and I failed to realize that I am worthy of anyone’s love. I almost missed out on being with this amazing, gorgeous girl because my parents were fuck ups.
     
    As I walk into the small café, I see her straight away. Apart from looking a lot older she hasn’t changed much. Her dark brown hair is now streaked with grey and she is still very thin. She stands up as I approach and smiles at me as I sit down on the chair opposite hers.
    “You are so handsome, Brody. I always knew you would be handsome, just like your dad.”
    “What do you want?”
    “I…I just missed you and I was hoping that we could put the past behind us and try again.”
    Shaking my head at her I can’t believe her nerve. How the fuck am I supposed to put that shit behind me.
    “That’s not going to happen, Mom . I can’t just get over what happened to Sammy. I can’t just ignore the fact that you were a shitty Mother who didn’t give a fuck about either of her children. Your addiction was number one to you.”
    I notice when I say Sam’s name that she doesn’t even flinch. There is no reaction to his name whatsoever.
    “Look, Honey. I know we weren’t the best parents. But I’m clean now. I’ve been clean for months. I want to make it up to you.”
    “What does my father say about this?”
    She looks down at the table.
    “I left him. He couldn’t stay off the drugs. I couldn’t be with him anymore. He was dragging me down with him.”
    Chuckling coldly I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
    “What? You only just realized this?”
    She starts wringing her hands together nervously.
    “It took me a while to come to my senses, but I have and I want to be back in your life. You’re my son and I want to get to know you. I want us to get to know each other.”
    Call me a pessimist, but I can’t believe a word she is saying. She really is tripping if she thinks that her words are going to make all of our problems go away and instantly change things between us.
    “I moved into my own little apartment and I’m doing it up real nice, so you can come visit me. I just need to find a job or some money for next month’s rent, so you can come see me. I hear you and your band are doing well. Maybe you could lend me some money and I could pay you back when I get a job.”
    Gritting my teeth, I ask “How much do you need?”
    “Oh. Just a couple of thousand to start with. That should be enough.”
    “Of course this is about money.”
    Shaking my head I stand up and pull out my wallet. Throwing down some bills onto the table I try to hold in my anger.
    She snatches up the bills and tucks them into her pocket.
    “No, sweetie. It’s not about money. I want to spend time with you.”
    “Stop the bullshit. Take the money and don’t contact me again. I’m done with your shit. I knew this was a mistake.”
    She doesn’t even try to stop me from leaving as I storm past the waitress that was on her way to take our order. Hopping onto my bike, I don’t even bother with my helmet; I just need to get out of here as quick as I can. I start up my bike and pull out into the traffic.
     
    My body is shaking