jarred me. I need time to center myself before his brother gets back. I'm eager to talk to him about all of this, but first, I need to hear Noah out.
"How did she end up in bed with Ben?"
He breathes heavily, pulling the air into his lungs. "The day after I told Sammy that I didn't want anything to do with her our mother died."
There's no way the timing is a coincidence. "Why was she at your house?"
"There was a party the night I told her to get lost," he says the words slowly. "It was supposed to be a last hurrah for our graduating class. I'd told her about it weeks before because I wanted her there. I knew Ben wouldn't go. He never partied. He was always studying or hanging out with his girlfriend."
"He went to that party?"
"He did." He nods his head slowly. "His girlfriend was away with her family. She told him to go so he could hang out with his friends. "
"He told me he met Samantha there," I offer even though I'm certain Noah is well aware of every detail.
His hand moves over the edge of the bench, tracing a path along the grain of the wood. "She saw him there. She came on to him. I saw her grinding against him when they were dancing. She was trying to make me jealous."
"Did you tell Ben who she was?"
"I didn't." He looks down at me. "I pulled her outside and told her who he was."
"What did she say?" I cross my legs in an effort to get my body to relax. I feel as though I'm opening a box that contains the key to letting Ben free of all the guilt he's been carrying with him for years.
"She told me that if I wasn't going to fuck her anymore, that she'd fuck him instead."
I push my back into the bench to gain distance from the words. They're harsh. They're almost brutal in their message. "What did you say to her?"
He closes his eyes tightly as he leans forward. "I told her to go right ahead. I said he was second best and always would be."
"She did it to get back at you?"
His mouth thins. "She thought it would hurt me. I didn't take her seriously. I knew Ben was devoted to his girlfriend. They were talking about getting married at some point."
Even though I know that the words were spoken from the mouth of a boy barely old enough to vote they still sting. Thinking about Ben planning a life with a woman he once loved hurts. It also helps place his questions about Parker. He loved a woman the same way I loved him. The promise that first love holds can be so hard to break free from. "What did you say to Ben when you found out about her? When you knew he'd slept with Sammy?"
His eyes rake over my face slowly. I see nothing but intense pain in his gaze. "I've never talked to Ben about it."
"Why?"
"Until you told me that Sammy was the woman he said he was with that day, I thought he was lying, Kayla." His voice is thick and soft. "I thought he was fucking lying about it all."
"About what, Noah?" I reach to grab his arm. "What did you think he was lying about?"
"He wouldn’t tell anyone the name of the woman he said he was with that day." He drops his head into his hands. "We all assumed he couldn't give a name because he was lying. My father and I never believed a woman was actually there."
"What?" I bark the word into his face. "Why would he hide the fact that he slept with her?"
"Kayla." He grabs my hand. "My father sat with Ben in the guesthouse for more than an hour before he brought him back to the main house."
I pull on his hand, trying to lodge free all the answers I need. "Just tell me, Noah. Please. None of this is making any sense to me."
"I was alone in that house for so long." His hand is free of mine now and resting against his lips. "I had to call someone."
"Why didn’t you just go down to the guesthouse to see Ben?" I already know the answer to that. Noah was fuming with anger over his mother's death. The last thing he wanted was to look at Ben.
"I couldn't do it." He fists his hand against his thigh. "I was in shock. I didn't want to leave my mother's side. I knew the coroner was