Free Dope Sick by Walter Dean Myers Page B

done.
    Kelly turned the sound back up and I told him to shut it off. He said no.
    â€œSo tell me about this great love you feeling for me,” Lauryn said. “Now that you’re not tense anymore.”
    â€œIt’s true,” I said. “You’re like a bridge in my life.”
    â€œThat is so tired, Lil J,” Lauryn said. “Men havebeen talking about women being bridges in their lives for umpteen years. Far as I’m concerned, a bridge is just something you walk on to get someplace else. Is that what I am to you? Something you can walk on as you move to your next high?”
    â€œNo, I mean, like—there’s two worlds. There’s the world you see in the newspaper. You know, important stuff going on. People in their business suits rushing around to meetings or talking about how this thing or that thing is going to affect the world,” I said. “They’re like the real people, because that’s all you be reading about in the papers or seeing on television. When they kick out the news every night, that’s who they’re talking about. And then there’s…”
    The hit was rising fast and I was holding on, trying to pay attention.
    â€œThen there’s the world I live in,” I said. “People ain’t doing nothing. Walk down the street and brothers just standing and leaning against whatever. Passing time. Or maybe time passing them. I don’t know.”
    â€œI think I’m pregnant,” she said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThat wasn’t the right answer,” she said.
    My mouth was fuzzy dry and my brain was running around trying to find a landing place.
    â€œYo, I love you, and I’m going to be there for you….” The words didn’t have any weight. They were just coming out my mouth and floating away.
    Lauryn was crying.
    Me and Kelly sitting in the dark, the room getting cold, and on the screen was this picture of Lauryn looking all alone. And then there was the sound of her crying. The crying filled the screen, and filled the corners of the room with me and Kelly, and filled all the dark places in the world.
    The camera was on my face. My lips were moving.
    â€œI love you, Lauryn,” I said.
    â€œYou left the burner on,” she said.

8
    â€œ SO YOU CUT LAURYN LOOSE ?” Kelly asked.
    â€œIn a way, because I was still using,” I said. “But she didn’t cut me loose. She’s good that way. I wanted to get straight, but I needed some time. You know, when you getting ready to have a kid, you want to get your act together. I guess I just needed more time.”
    â€œSeem to me all you got is time,” Kelly said. “What you need more time for?”
    â€œI can’t explain it, man,” I said. “You got to live it to give it. You ain’t been in my shoes, you don’t know where I’m coming from.”
    â€œNo, I know where you coming from.” Kellysniffed, then cleared his throat. “You just got some stink on yourself and don’t want to deal with it. You got a woman. You got a baby. You breathing twenty-four/seven, but you needing something different to deal with.”
    â€œYou don’t know that.”
    â€œThen why don’t you run it by me so I can understand it,” Kelly said.
    â€œMaybe I don’t feel like it,” I said.
    â€œYeah, maybe you don’t. But you know what? You seen yourself upstairs on the roof with the piece in your hand,” Kelly said. “You going to unknow that? Like you unknowing what’s going down with Lauryn? Like you unknowing what’s going down with Brian?”
    â€œRun what by you?”
    â€œRun down what dope doing for you,” Kelly said.
    â€œMaybe you said it right the first time,” I said. “Maybe what it’s about is, I don’t want to know what I’m about. I don’t see nothing ahead for me. I don’t see nothing coming down the