Free 18 Truths by Jamie Ayres

looking for a lifebuoy, for anything to appear, but it didn’t. No easy way out. Waves pounded over us, and I started to choke and buck and thrash—a scream tearing loose from me—as I struggled for air. One last wave crashed over us, and then I busted to the surface, fake-Conner in tow.
    Nate ran out to meet us, knee deep in water, then carried Conner to the sand and laid him there before turning to me.
    “Olga?” He gripped my arms, maybe a little too harshly. “Are you okay?”
    My head snapped from side to side, examining Conner’s face, then Nate’s.
    “Nate, meet Conner.”
    My voice was icy with control even though I breathed harder than any asthma attack as I flipped him over on his stomach. I straddled him, pushing down on the middle of his back with both hands. Water gushed from his lips, and I repeated until the flow stopped. I was a girl possessed, a spirit guide in training on a mission, as I flipped him over onto his back, then immediately delivered CPR breaths. I was all thumbs when I tried to rescue him last year, but not this time. I ran my own reality show now—driven, hopeful, believing that what didn’t happen before could happen this day.
    Remembering what I did wrong before helped me now. To onlookers gathering around us, it must’ve looked like a senseless frenzy, but I controlled the chaos here. I took his pulse. Nothing. Still not breathing. I screamed and slammed my fist down on his chest, desperately trying to wake him.
    I wouldn’t give up. I slapped his face. “Fight!”
    “Hey, what are you doing?” Nate shouted.
    I ignored him and gathered all my wits and strength to remember the steps on how to save a life. Step one: open Conner’s airway, tilt head, and put my ear to his mouth. Step two: listen for air flowing, look for chest movement. None. Step three: pinch his nose, and start mouth-to-mouth again, big enough to make his chest rise. Step four: watch his chest fall. Repeat.
    My muscles strained tightly with the déjà vu feeling, but this time I knew the outcome. Because this time felt different, like the kiss of life instead of death. When I checked for a pulse, there was one. Water tickled my feet as a wave crashed against the shore, and I laughed. Water didn’t feel scary in this moment; it felt like the soft hand of God reaching out to me.
    Conner’s body convulsed, coughing violently, and it was like watching a rebirth. But not his. Mine. Our eyes locked, inches apart, and I felt his breath on my face, so thankful it wasn’t his last. Not here, at least. I shook all over as a sound escaped my lips, something between laughing and crying.
    His eyes were so intense on me, his voice was a hoarse whisper. “Olga, you saved me.”
    That brief statement set my teeth chattering beyond control. I wanted to say something, but my voice twisted into a sob, and I wept quietly as the ambulance pulled up. This was the part I missed before because I had been knocked unconscious by the sailboat boom. I watched as the door crashed open. They loaded Conner on the stretcher, packing heating blankets around him and placing a clear oxygen mask over his mouth. I stood up, staring at his gray face in the moonlight. I grabbed his hand, running my fingers over his, and somehow, he felt warm.
    “I never told you this, but I love you.”
    This might’ve been surprising for Nate to hear, after all this time. This moment, I knew it wouldn’t be enough. No trace of the words I just confessed registered on Conner’s face. I felt my heart break again. I wanted to stay with Conner now more than ever. Terror shot through me at the thought of going on without him, but what choice did I have?
    It wasn’t real. This isn’t real.
    When the ambulance pulled away, everyone clapped around me. Real or fake, I lifted my hands to the sky anyway and told God thank you, taking a deep breath of fresh salty air. In that moment, it didn’t matter how badly my lungs burned.
    Nate’s shadow moved in front of my