Free Just A Woman (Marina: Part Two: Naughty Nookie Series) by Serena Akeroyd Page B

that
couldn’t be erased ’ were his actual words if I remember rightly.  I
want him to love me.  I need that like I need air to breathe.
    “How did we make
up?”  His cocked brow lifts a little higher.  “Did we kiss it all
better?”
    His stare, so
aggressive and forceful, has my eyes lowering to the plaid comforter.  Do
I start this journey on a lie?  Or do I try to do right by him, when I’ve
done nothing but wrong throughout the length of our relationship. 
    If Nate really is
a Dom, then I haven’t been satisfying him anyway.  How could I have been,
when this, the true part of his nature, couldn’t come out to play?  That
for four years he wasn’t satisfied by me has me cringing inside.  Why did he
hide it from me?  If he thought I was a sub, why didn’t he discuss this
earlier…
    Probably because
I’d have immediately rejected it. 
    These last six
weeks have humbled me, forced me to realize that I’m human like everyone else,
not a powerful, omnipotent being.  My arrogance was a shield that
prevented him from divulging the truth to me.  His keeping this part of
himself a secret tells me his affection for me is as all-encompassing as mine
is for him.  This is a chance for both of us to be our real selves. 
Whatever that might be.
    “I agreed to your
suggestion.”
    “And what
suggestion was that?”
    I can tell he’s
amused at my diplomatic responses.  He was waiting for me to lie . 
Instead, he can see I’ve remembered the rules.  He’s asking me questions
and I’m answering them.  I’m doing nothing wrong, just not giving him the
answers he wants to hear.
    “You believe I’m
in need of discipline,” I eventually murmur, lifting my eyes to connect with
his.
    He’s pleased by my
response.  I can tell, because his eyes are no longer Arctic-cold, maybe
Britain in winter.  “And what do you think, Marina?  Do you believe
you need to be disciplined?”
    Bastard .
    I want to screech
the word at him and from his knowing look, he can clearly see that.  How I
hold it in, I don’t know but I manage.  Just. 
    Sucking in a sharp
breath, I mutter, “I am capable of doing harm and hurting other people.  I
don’t mean to, it just happens.  If I’d been taught differently as a
child, perhaps I wouldn’t be the way I am today.  I think, with
discipline, I might start to behave more...”  The word eludes me and I
bite my lip, wondering what to say.  It’s hard, because I’m not really
sure I want to change, but something’s got to give.  And it has to be
me.  I’m a troublemaker.  “Like a regular person.”
    “Well, I’m not
sure I’d want you to be ‘regular’.”  He uses air quotes over my chosen
adjective.  “Just a little moderation.”  Nate looks at me for a
second and I can tell he’s pleased by what I’ve said.  “Come and sit here
with me.”
    For a second, I
hesitate and then pull the covers out of the way and go to him.  About to
perch on his knee, he shakes his head.
    “Kneel before me,
Marina.”
    Kneel?  Oh fuck, can I do this?  I mean, seriously?
    My legs refuse and
I stand there, shivering even though the room is an ambient temperature. 
I try to get my brain to force my limbs to work and eventually succeed,
although my slide to the ground is anything but gracious.  More like a
tumble! 
    “Well done.”
    I need those
congratulations.  Somehow, his command made it all so real.  And I
guess this is it.  It’s starting. 
    Looking up at him,
I smile.  It’s quivery and weak, not my usual strident, confident grin but
it’s better than a grimace.
    “You understand
why this has to be done, Marina.  You’ve hidden this part of your nature
for far too long.  It’s buried deep down, so deep you don’t even realize
it exists.  And maybe, for anyone else, it doesn’t.  But you can do
this, Marina.  You can liberate that part of your nature.  I
can’t.  I can help. 
    “You’re kneeling
before me and you’re thinking