Free Tracie Peterson by The Long-Awaited Child Page A

hand. “You aren’t settling for second best. Once you realize that, the other problems will kind of fade away. You are making a choice to be a parent. You desire a child, and, Tess, let me tell you—once you’ve adopted and had that child with you, you won’t know the difference. And if you do, you won’t care. That baby will be yours because whether your blood is the same or not, your heart will be. That baby will be such an intricate part of your heart that the paper work will mean literally nothing.”
    “I’d like to believe that,” Tess said softly. She wanted very much for Laura to be right.
    “Believe it, then. I speak from experience.”
    “What? But I thought Adam and Aaron were your own children.”
    Laura laughed. “Sweetheart, they are my own children. Aaron I gave birth to and Adam we adopted.”
    “Do they know?”
    “Of course. I wouldn’t hide something like that. But I’m telling you, Tess, I don’t love either one of those boys more than the other. I would die for either one. They are both mine just as surely as if they were both born from my body.”
    “Did you always feel this way?” Tess asked hopefully.
    Laura shook her head and Tess’s hopes fell. “No,” Laura admitted. “There were about five minutes prior to walking into the orphanage and seeing Adam that I loved Aaron more.” She grinned. “You’ll see. We’ll have another conversation about this in a few months and you’ll know exactly what I mean.”
    “Sometimes I feel like no one can understand me. I’m not without a heart and I know how good adoption can be. I’ve benefited in every way from a good adoption.” She paused for a moment, trying hard to make her feelings understood.“I guess it’s just the way I’ve structured my thinking and planning all these years.”
    “But that can all be altered. Ask God to give you understanding and to direct your desires for a child, Tess. You’ll see His fingerprints all over your decisions and choices if only you’ll yield your heart to Him first.”
    Tess clung to Laura’s words, desperately wanting to believe them. She knew from her background in the church and hundreds of sermons on faith that this was the right path to take.
    “Sometimes I think I’m just a baby Christian,” Tess said, looking Laura in the eyes. “I feel weak and stupid and not at all the faithful follower that I want to be.”
    “We all suffer growing pains. You’re not going to be any different than anyone else. No one’s faith is born fully grown. These are testing times, Tess. Times that will either grow your faith or squelch it. Mostly, it’s up to you, and it generally starts by yielding attitudes and desires that are steeped not in God, but in self.”
    Tess felt an immediate conviction in Laura’s words. “I suppose I have a lot to consider.”
    ****
    It was late Friday evening when Tess finally walked back into her own apartment. The trip from Kansas City had seemed ridiculously long. Mostly because she longed to be home with Brad, but also because she was hoping to hear news of their adoption plans.
    “Brad? Are you here?” she called out. She dropped her luggage at the door and continued calling to Brad as she walked through the apartment. Apparently he’d had to work overtime.
    She went to the answering machine and saw the light blinking. No doubt there were multiple messages from prospective clients. Tess was enjoying—or perhaps enduring was a better word—a huge surge of interest in her relocation skills. She’d signed on twenty new clients in the last month alone. SuddenlyBartolo Aznar’s suggestion of additional help didn’t seem so unreasonable.
    Pressing the button and grabbing a pencil, Tess prepared to write down the messages.
    “Tess! Tess, call me right away!” The voice belonged to Kim and the tone was rather excited. Tess smiled to herself. Maybe Laney rolled over or did some other new baby thing.
    Tess waited for the next message and jotted down the