Free Shattered Dreams by Brenda Kennedy Page A

lighting
makes it difficult to see.  
    “ It’s all right, Emma, it’s
just a bad dream.” 
    I cry into her and wonder whether it was
really a dream. I try to calm my racing heart for my own sake and
for hers. Once Danny sees I’m ok, he walks away. I lean back away
from her and wipe the tears away with the backs of my hands. “I’m
sorry, just a bad dream.” 
    “ Are you sure you’re
ok?” 
    “ Yes, I’m fine. I didn’t
mean to wake you or frighten either of you.” 
    “ Did you dream of Max?” she
asks. 
    “ No,” I
lie. 
    She looks at me and searches my eyes, from
one to the other. I know she is searching for the truth. I blink
and look down at the covers on the bed so she can’t see the truth.
I don’t want her to see I am afraid for the safety for her
son. 
    “ Ok, good night, and I’ll
see you in the morning.” 
    “ Ok, Cheryl, thank you. I’ll
see you in the morning.” 
    She slowly stands and walks
out of the room, leaving my bedroom door slightly opened. I lie in
bed and try to forget my dream. It was so real so why couldn’t I
see Max’s face? I saw the faces of the other troops. I turn and lie
on my side facing Max’s side of the bed. I scoot closer to his side
and rest my head on his pillow. It no longer smells like him.
Missing him more and more by the minute, I go into the closet and
put on one of his t-shirts. I inhale deeply and smile. That’s better.   
    I wake up and have an uneasy feeling. I
shower while Cheryl bathes James for me. I want to spend a little
extra time on my hair and makeup today. I know when Max calls we
usually have a grainy image, but I am hoping it’ll be better today.
I am also hoping he looks better this week than last week. I dress
James and me in red, white, and blue to show our support for our #1
soldier. I make sure James is fed and changed before our skype time
with Max. More than any other time, I need this time with him. The
dream last night was and is very unsettling. Danny gets the
computer set up and we wait for it to come to life. Danny is
standing behind us and Cheryl and I are sitting in front of the
screen in chairs. James fusses and I look at the time. Max is three
minutes late. This is only our third skype time, but he has always
been so punctual. I stand and bounce James while pacing the room.
Something doesn’t feel right. The hair on my arms stands straight
up, and I shiver for no reason at all.  
    “ What time is
it?”  
    “ 8:07,” Danny
answers. 
    “ He’s seven minutes late.
He’s not going to call.” 
    “ Emma, don’t say that.
Sometimes they have problems with the reception,” Danny
says. 
    I take James and walk over to Brooke’s side
of the duplex. I knock before walking in. I know she also has skype
time with Jamison at the same time I have with Max. I scan the room
and see her and the boys sitting on the couch together. “Did he
skype yet?” 
    “ No, we are still waiting.”
She holds up her laptop to show me it’s blank. 
    “ Max hasn’t skyped us
either; just checking, sorry.” 
    “ Are you all
right?” 
    “ Yes,” I lie before shutting
the door behind me. I walk back into the house and Danny is on his
phone pacing the room. “Jamison hasn’t skyped Brooke and the boys
yet either. It must be interference,” I say, not believing that
myself.  
    I walk James from one end of the room to the
other. I kiss him and rest my lips on his fuzzy head. I hum to him
and he goes to sleep. Cheryl doesn’t move from the computer screen
and Danny talks softly to someone on the phone. My mind races and I
can’t think of anything else. I say my silent prayers and pray Max
and his troops are safe. The hair on my neck stands up and I
already know something is wrong.  
    I excuse myself and walk upstairs with James,
before putting him to bed. I dress in Max’s sweats and tee shirt
for bed and watch the video Max made for me over and over again. I
replay his saved voice messages and laugh when